Chronicle of a student revolution
by OnlyOnMyOwn
Summary: In a modern AU word where Eponine and Grantraire just move out to Paris and enjoy their first year in university, they never think going to a Café would change their life for ever. The story of how some friends started a student revolution (Rated M since chapter 6 and maybe beyond)
1. The one beer that changed my life

**The one beer that change my life**

Moving in Paris was the best idea of my life. I was here for six months now and I'd never been happier. Maybe Grantaire was right. It was time for me to have a new start. And following him here was the right thing to do. This is why I love the boy. He can be easy on the bottle and cynic sometime, but deep down there is a warm heart that take care of people he love. I love him because when he look at me he don't see me as the Thenardier girl who came from the poor part of the town. For Grantaire, I'm just Eponine. And this is why I know where he goes I have to. Because he's my best friend and we look out for each other. We always have. We always will.

When Grantaire –that I call almost every time R- got his letter of acceptance in a school art in Paris, I never felt so much light and pride in his eyes. I always told him he will be a great artist someday. But he laughs when I do that. Yes, this guy believes in nothing not even himself. When he asked me to follow him I didn't know what to say. But after a lot of conversation and him convincing me when I was drunk, I apply in women studies at a public university where I got accepted. We rent a small apartment. Not much but enough for us. We have each other, his paint, my books and our tv. It's everything that we really need to survive.

I feel terrible for letting Azelma and Gavroche back in Montfermeil. But at least they are safe at Grantaire's house now. With my parent both in jail it was that or taking them to Paris. And two students can't take care properly of other kids, not with the small money I have from my student allowance and R's job in a coffee shop that we will make them having a proper life. And if Paris is a new start for me, I want for them to be the same. And not be poor and starving like we have been with our parents. So between putting them in danger of the child protection bursting to our door and being raise by my best friend's parent the choice was simple.

Today it's Saturday. The first day for the past month that I can sleep in and not feeling guilty about not making any homework. The half term just ended and I was tired. Who knew that studying powerful women in the history would have been so hard? At least Cosette was there to kick my butt and help me remember the date for our History class. I'd fail without her. When I first met her I thought she was a bit precious seeing how powerful his father was in town. But she shows me that despite who perfectly she dress, she is down to earth and a good soul. I can remember the first time I bring her home and Grantaire made a dance of joy to see I had finally a female friend. What can I say; I do love more the company of man. But Cosette is different. We are not from the same world, but she never judges me for having to ask a bank to lean me money so I could study. She even gave me some of the clothes she bought and never wore. Once again, now I had her clothes, R compliment the fact that going in women study made me finally decide to look like a girl.

I woke up it was almost two in the afternoon. The smell of a pizza got the best of me and I manage to get out of the bed and walk to the kitchen taking coffee and a part of the warm pizza R probably made. From the music in his room, I understood he was there. I knock softly before entering and I found him cover in blue paint, focus on his last piece of art, his pizza part without any bite taken waiting for him on his desk. «Did you even sleep? » I ask biting in the hot food. My stomach growl of happiness. «Its due in two hours, I'll sleep after. » He simply answers. I smile looking at his portrait. I hope he'll get good marks on it. For me it's stunning. But what I know of art anyway. «Don't forget to eat. » I said before closing the door. We probably will. So I put a slice in a box and put it in his bag. He'll thank me later.

I sat on the couch and open TV to watch some stupid show about princess buying wedding dresses so pricy it could be my rent for four months. I never get the concept of throwing that much money of something useless like a dress that you wear one time in your life. With that and playing The sims on facebook, my day will be long and slow. And boring. But like she read my mind, Cosette came to talk to me on the facebook chat.

_Cosette: «Are you busy today?»_

_You: «No! Free alas!»_

_Cosette: «Yeah there's a party with the politic department. Food, drinks and cute guys. You in?»_

_You: «Don't ask me twice!»_

_Cosette: «Sweet! I'll text you the detail in a few» _

I smiled, happy to know I had planned to celebrate our hard weeks of work. After she texted me the place and the hour of meeting I jump on the shower to wake up a bit better and try to make myself pretty. If it was a party organised by the boys in the politic department, maybe I will see the only boy I really want to see. Off the shower I heard a «SHIT» Coming from R's chamber. He must have seen the hour and knew he was late to his class. Again. Our apartment was small and didn't cost much, but was so far from everything that it takes almost an hour of public to go to everywhere. I wrap myself in a towel before opening the bathroom door to see Grantaire putting his boot in a hurry, his freshly paint canvas on his hand. «Party tonight. Booze and cute boy» I simply said laughing at him «I'll be there. Text me. Byeeee» And with that he close the door and ran in the staircase of our building. I took a moment to brush my hair before heading to my room and prepare myself.

The café where Cosette bring me was one I knew already. They had done our welcome party here the first day of the school so the older year could make drunk the new comer until they puke. I gain respect of the second year by beating them down one by one at a drinking contest. Having my hard life had his advantage sometime; no one knew I am drinking since a too young age. Anyway that is not the point.

For every student in Paris, café Musain was a logical place to go. You can drink, eat, they have a lot of table for people to sit and a large space for parties. The owner was a kind man who knew that by welcoming thirsty kid and let them think they change the world; he had his pot of goal. And it work. Since he opened his café became a known place from everyone.

As I enter I understood that it was not really a party in the proper meaning of the term but more of a meeting where people talk of changing the world while being drunk and eating nachos. Yes there was drunk boy, but no music was too loud, we weren't seeing slutty girl trying to find a quick fuck into the bathroom and anyway who have a party at seven pm. «It's full» Cosette say looking around. But I didn't mind. My eyes have found the reason why I accept to be here. Marius Pontmercy. He was a year older than me. The first boy I talked at the university. He was the tour guide of the campus and explains us how the university was working. From the moment I saw him I got stars truck at his brown hair falling over his eyebrow, his dark eyes full of tender and his freckle on his cheek. The kind of quiet beauty that I never thought who existed outside a books. I accepted to go at the welcoming party just because he asks me if I was coming. And I manage myself to spend the whole night with him and his friend.

My thought were cut when I heard Cosette's sigh. «Well, I wanted to dance. This suck» I look around. It's true most of the table where full and everyone was listening to some political speech that Marius's friend were saying. It was about the government wanting to cut half the budget for the financial help for student in need. «Let's listen to them. I'm curious» I said hopping that I could try to talk to Marius tonight or something like that. But I felt like Cosette had in mind go clubbing and go wasted, not drinking calmly having intellectuals debate. «Okay one beer» She agreed when she saw my pleading eyes. I smile give her a quick hug and told her they were on me. Knowing my financial trouble she refused and told me to go find a seat while she was taking care of that. I smile and nod before finding a small table in the corner of the room where we could sit and I could spy on Marius while he was listening to a blond guy speaking so loud everyone could hear him. «If we continue like this, the higher study will come back to an elite and half the people here wouldn't be even able to come at a university» I nod. I was the first that needed those helps from school. He continues his speech as I drink every word, even if my eyes were something drifting to Marius's perfect curl.

When Cosette came back her hands were full of a hot plate of nachos and two beers. «Food and beer check! » She said happily. «And cute boys check» I joke pointing her around the café. She looks and shrugs. I bet she didn't even care. She's not the girl that has to look for gorgeous men; they all come at her feet. We listen to the debate for quite a long moment before Grantaire decide to show up, still in the same shirt as this morning, his hair and his clothes covered in blue. «I wasn't late» He said proudly sitting by my side. We high five before he kissed my cheek, stole my beer and start talking with Cosette about his last work and his test not even caring about the debate that was in the room.

After finishing my beer, he went buying us three more and I promise myself to look how many he will drink tonight. I was used now to R's drinking problem and I manage to look after him. But sometime I fail and he gets himself into terrible situation He had a stressful day. He was working on the painting he gave to his teacher for weeks now. So he might try to relax with too more alcohol. «Surprise to see you're here Ponine» A voice said bringing me back to earth. My heart jump when I saw Marius smiling in front of me. «Yeah, my friend heard of your meeting. We were curious. I really liked what Enjolras said.» He laugh, making his cheek go pink and his hair move a little. My heart flickered. Then he turn his gaze to Cosette and he got red shaking her hand as she present herself. I clear my throat so he watch me again and ask if we could join his friend. He gladly accepts and we followed him to his table where Grantaire found us a few moments later.

As Enjolras and Cosette where already a long debate about the school financial help, I whisper to Grantaire what I remembered of Marius friend. No need to present the boy I had a crush on him for six months he was already teasing me enough with that. So, from what I remember Marius was studying with Enjolras and his roommate Courfeyrac in political study. My perfect Marius seems to have a love hate relation between him and Enjolras when they start to talk about other things than their hatred of the government. There was Joly was studying medicine and had Bossuet for boyfriend , Bahorel who is studying law, Combeferre philosophy, Jean –or Jehan I am not sure – was in sociology but should be a poet by the way he speak and there is Feuilly who… I don't really know what's he's doing. Is he even in the university or friend of the boys? I never understand and I don't care. He's nice and it's all that matters.

«I didn't believe you when you said cute boys Ponine but now I see your point» he whispers into my ear. We both laugh drinking our beer. Marius was now talking to Cosette and I smile at Enjolras that –I was surprised- remembered my name. «It's fun to see we have regular at our meeting» He told me with a smile I blush as Grantaire looked at me surprise. I might have come once or twice to see Marius even if it was from far away. «Want to join our group? We always need people who share our opinion.» I knew my best friend wasn't a fan of activist. Of people fighting against the system. Grantaire had faith in nothing so for him it was useless to fight something that will always be the same. «Say that to the people that won our liberty and succeed in La Bastille» Enjolras said back to him when he told he wasn't sure about the possibility of a few people making a difference.

I raised my bottle to the blond and gorgeous men in front of me and despite my best friend cold glance I said «Well count me in!» Who knew that those four words would change my whole life.


	2. Or how I've been stuck with the same men

**Or how I've been stuck with the same men in my thought for the past months**

I never liked my name. I mean who in life called their kid Grantaire and think he won't be mock at school for that. I love my parents. I really do. But they smoke something really strong when it came the time to name me. That's why I'd rather been call by the nickname Ponine gave me when we were younger. Somehow the letter R fits me more than my whole name.

I was bored. My Egyptian's art class wasn't over until another hour and I was supposed to go too go to the weakly reunion of the student association Eponine got our self into. Well she agreed to go, I just followed her because when Enjolras ask me I couldn't even speak properly, amaze that he was eve looking at me. When he came talking to Eponine of the first night I got quiet at first, unable to lay my eyes of his. How could such a men exist and breathe the same air as me. His eyes were piercing, his smile glowing up his face; his blond hair shaping his perfectly cut jaw. Enjolras felt like coming out of my own fantasy. I didn't believe her when she told me there where cute boy where she had plan to go but now I know she was understated the view. _Cute _wasn't a word powerful enough for him. No words or paint will ever represent the impact he had on me. From one glance my world turned upside down.

I could understand his point of view about the inequality of the government. Especially since Eponine was here because of those financial help from the university. But for me there is no way a bunch of few students will make bend people with power. They will let us do our little riot and when they will be bored they'll send the police, beat us down and force us to go to school while they will cut the budget anyway. So why fighting? It could only save us a lot of trouble and bruises. But when he starts talking about La Bastille and how our country was not the same as in 1830, I couldn't find an argument to say he was wrong. I think that was one of Enjolras best quality; he speech are so eloquent even if you don't believe in the cause you joint.

So if I was going to the meeting after my class it was for three things; be with Eponine, see Enjolras and the beer we could have. I know I promised my best friend not to drink a lot during week days, but it's not my fault if they are doing it in Café Musain. And anyway it's not a beer or two that will cloud my mind. If she's angry I'll make her laugh and she'll forget I am drinking. Or pretend to. I know she want to help me; I know I have a drinking problem. But I gave up on my capacity to fight against that long ago and I know she will too.

I growled when the teacher switch her PowerPoint to another hieroglyph –not but how many will we see this semester? – And look in my bag to see if my phone was in it. I found it. With a ham sandwich. I smile and took it. At least eating will keep me busy. I open my phone and texted a «thanks» to my best friend before trying to pay attention in class. But I end up doodling Enjolras on my notebook with a daydreaming smile

«Next time less mustard please» I said while putting two beers on the table and kissing Eponine's head. «Next time why don't you just do it yourself and since you won't you will starve» she tease while taking the beer I bought her.

I was early for the meeting who wouldn't start for twenty minutes. I think they were waiting for Bahorel's class to finish. Enjolras was talking with Coufeyrac and Marius up in the room and, trying not to only look at him I pretend to be interested in the discussion Mushietta and Cosette where having at the table. I think Eponine was doing the same as me. She was barely talking and her eye where going on Marius. I never saw her having a crush, it was fun to see she might give a chance to a men. She was healing. Slowly but surely. Let just hope Pontmercy won't break her heart.

«Sorry but I still don't buy that you love _both _of them. There is clearly one that you love more. » Sight Cosette drinking her pink beverage. Cosette and Eponine learn yesterday that Joly and Bosuet weren't exclusive in their love and Musichetta was with them. They'd talk about it until I got bored and when to sleep. «What don't you get Cosette. We all love each other. Each relation with a person is different. It's like asking a parent which kids he likes the most» Our new friend try to explain. «How did you even get into this relationship.» That was a fair question. My first reaction when Cosette storm into the apartment yesterday, telling us the news was mostly how the boys made her agree to go into a three-person relationship. From what I know, women were possessive and jealous creature. Seeing Musichetta starting to get frustrated by the avalanche of question our blond friend was giving her and Eponine too distracted by Marius, I came into her rescue. «Why are you so offended Cosette. I mean this is clearly the perfect showing of women empowerment. » I said a bit tired of this discussion.

Mushietta gave me a weak smile of appreciation and look at her man who were playing cards with Feuilly the table next to them. Cosette open and close her mouth a few time before rolling her eyes and drinking her pink glass. «How did it even happen» She asked. I could see, for her it was not believable for a girl to have two boyfriend. «It's a long story. And I'm far to sober to explain everything right now.» I start laughing. Clearly I love that girl. «I can help with that» I said giving her my beer. Musichetta look at me with an amused smile, took a sip of my alcohol and give it back to me. I try to care about her love story with Joly and Bosuet but I stop listening soon enough. How their relationship worked wasn't my problem. All I know if they seem happy about it. We are in 2013 for god sake, why an open relationship with three people shouldn't be normal.

Though I wonder if both boy sleep together without her. I shake my head. Nope. As far as this sounded hot, I couldn't authorize myself to imagine Bossuet and Joly together. Having Enjolras in my night fantasy where already a shame for me.

When everyone arrived, we started the meeting. As always, Enjolras talked 90 percent of the time. But I didn't mind. It gave me the opportunity to look at him without being called a creep. While he was talking about numbers and debts I was looking his eyelashes and how his cheek were becoming pink when he started to be passionate. When he was speaking in front of us, he was becoming an other man. Grandiose, spectacular. Like those who makes history. And I want to believe that he will. Whatever his cause is, I want to believe in that Enjolras.

«Did he have a girlfriend» I asked nonchalantly finishing my beer. The meeting was over for an hour now. Many people had left, Eponine was trying to have a girl night for the first time in her life with Cosette and Musichetta. Enjolras was gone for a few moment. The room felt empty now. Colder. To stop the hole in my stomach I order a new beer while talking with Joly, Bosuet and Coufeyrac. I lost the count of how many I took. Not that it matter anyway. I'm more myself drunk than sober. « E? Oh god no» Laugh Coufeyrac. My heart jump of a joy I hated to have. But I couldn't let that boy out of my mind since we met and from the laugh his best friend just give me I might have hope he wasn't into girls. And let's face it, the fact that his friend give him a one letter nickname made me feel like we had an untold connection. «Why not» I asked, still trying to make conversation. Oh god if Ponine was around she will laugh at me or wait for the boys to be gone to bombard me of question. Yes better having this conversation while she was out now. Coufeyrac look at Jehan who shrug like it was a hard question to answer. «He's not…that kind of guy. I'm not even sure if he knows about sex and love» Finally answer Joly in a sigh that told me, both those boy have been trying the impossible with Enjolras. But I didn't believe them and I laugh. «Of course he do, come on he's a boy» Which boy wouldn't love, think or know about sex. «Well it's just something he's not interested in. His mistress is the social causes he fights for. Many people fell in love with him over the years, but he never understands it, or even saw it. He's too busy with school and the association.» Explain Coufeyrac. «He sees love as a distraction»

Fuck.


	3. This is why I've been single all my life

**This is why I've been single all my life**

It was nearly summer. The perspective of the essays and exams to do before the break where remembering that, even if the temperature was getting warmer, we couldn't enjoy it for awhile. If it was like last semester, we won't see Enjolras for a few day, locking himself in his room when he don't have to go to class to do this essay. At least Coufeyrac was still available if I needed help or we wanted to study together. Sometime we managed to pull out Enjolras out of his room to make him eat and study with us. We succeed once last semester but I doubt we will this year. At this time of the year Joly was becoming as insane as Enjolras. Bosuet always say studying medicine will make him sick one day. Jehna and Combeferre will do fine. We mock them because their field of study is easier than us but we all know its because they are all way more good at starting their homework in advanceIt was the first end of semester for our three new friends in the student association and they were freaking out right now. We promise to help but the first time is always hard for a student. After you learn from your mistake and you don't do all your work the week before.

If I wasn't sure about Grantaire's cynical attitude about the cause, he had started to draw amazing things for our pamphlet and poster for the cause. The first time he bring something to our meeting was the first time I saw Couf and E acknowledging him like part of the group. I liked the new girls. Eponine was stubborn and wasn't scared to share her view when a debate occurred. The explosive fight she had with E was still one of the most entertaining nights I had for a long time. Somehow seeing our leader outburst of his cold and calculated state was something we all needed. I really like Éponine. She's a good friend and fun to hang around. We became use to go lunch every Wednesday together because both our class aren't far from one an other. It's like that we became friend.

And there is Cosette. Always perfectly dress, her golden hair flowing on her shoulder, her make up subtle but that make her lips pink and her eyes sparkle, her high laugh when we make her laugh, the wrinkle on her nose when she's listening to a speech, the way she say my name with such a melodious sound. When I saw her I thought it was a mistake. Such pretty girl couldn't have much interest in a high cause. But the she start to speak and my heart went for her. She wasn't just a pretty girl. She was smart and combative. Everything that a man can desire. I wasn't only attracted to that girl but I was in love with her. But the problem is; I never had a girlfriend before. So I was a bit clueless on the subject.

And the night I asked advice to Combeferre and Jehan about what to do I got way more confuse that I was at last. Between mockery and laugh, one was saying to seduce her first and make her ask me out while the other was talking of romance and inviting her for a date. One was talking about dinner in a proper place, the other eating at my house because girl love to see a men who can cook. Once was talking about kiss the first night the other was talking about giving her space.

So I end up asking to Musichetta who was an actual woman and who could help me understand how they work. So a night where Bosuet and Joly were at the library to study I went to their place and talk with their girlfriend who was overwhelm by the gossip I was giving her with my love declaration for Cosette. «Forget whatever the boys said to you Marius, they think they know women but they don't. » She said after a while. She blow on her tea and took a sip before continuing. «We are not like car. We don't work the same. It's up to you to find what will make her heart say yes. » I sigh more discouraged than ever. I shouldn't have admitted to my friend how I felt. Now that I was given advice I started to doubt she will even like me back. «But Cosette is a hopless romantic. Believe me you should see what she read. So work with that » Musichetta add.

I think it was by pity that Musichetta finally help me to figure out way to impress Cosette. I wanted to be romantic for her but she was still in feminist study so I didn't want to insult her by anything that will objectify her. This girl was a mystery for me, she was reading teen novel and dressing like a doll but could also beat you in a conversation how the bible eradicate every female protagonist to maintain the male dominance during the past century. But maybe it was this confusion that made me love her more.

Me: Hey Chetta, are you with her

Chetta: Who?

Me: Cosette of course.

Chetta: No. Why should I be with her?

Me: Ponine told me there was a girl night today

Chetta: It's two in the afternoon, it's not night yet.

Me: Could you see if she seems interested

Me: …. Please. I forgot to say please

Chetta: Joly is with us and remind you to say please

Me: Yeah, sorry.

Chetta: I'll see if the conversation goes that way.

Me: Awesome!

Me: Thanks you are the best.

Chetta: Joly?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Chetta: Love you kid.

After my text messages with Musichetta I feel a lot better. I manage to listen to Joly and Feuilly's idea for the manifestation we plan to do the day they will announce the budget cut for university in a few weeks. I am starting to get nervous. After all, perfection like Cosette probably doesn't even care about a school boy like me.

Me: So how was your night?

Chetta: For the love of god Marius it's six in the morning. Ask her out I'm sick of your puppy eyes. I told you I'd help but not if I can't sleep. Just ask her out I think you might have a shot.

Me:….

Me: … It's not the time she's busy with the finals.

Bosuet: Last time it wasn't the time because it was Easter and after it wasn't the time because she was with Ponine. You make excuses.

Me: I do not.

Joly: You do. Ask her out or I'll do it for you.

Bosuet: And let us sleep!

«Why are you always looking at your phone? » I look at Éponine who look at me with a bright smile before biting in the sandwich I bought her. The good think to eat in this café is that Grantaire is working here, we don't have to order that he already know what we will take. I just come and pay him while Ponine is waiting at a table. The same since we started. The one near the windows where she can see La Seine and the sun can hit her skin. She's always daydream when I arrived. Sometime I wonder what's in this girl head. She's full of secret and I start to like that I'm one of the few that's she opening up. «Sorry.» I say putting my phone in my pocket understanding how rude I was. «I'm just waiting for Musichetta to text me something.» Éponine look at me curious and I bite my lips. She's starting to trust me with her confidence so maybe I could trust her with mine. Girls always want boys to give back what they are giving emotionally. They are so confusing…

«She's supposed to tell me where Cosette live. I want to ask her for a date but not in front of everybody. So I'll go to her home and invite her for dinner with her favorite flower in my hand. » I see the shoulder of Éponine tense a bit even if her smile seems bright and shiny. My friends were right. I was finding excuses not to declare my love and I had to do it. I didn't want Cosette to know my true feeling by anyone's mouth but mine. «I didn't know you liked her» She said before biting her sandwich once more. I sigh and look at my friend with a dreamy smile on my lips. «Yes» I simply say in a sigh.

Then seeing her curious eyes I laugh and I start telling her everything I love about Cosette and how I couldn't wait to see her again. She listens to me in silence, a small smile on her lips and nod at every compliment I found for her friend. «I know where she lived. I went her once to do homework. » Admit Éponine after we finish eating. My eyes widen as hope enter into my heart. «I can show you where she live. She's home right now» I took Éponine's hand and look at her into her eyes as she blush and smile a little more. «You'd do that for me. » I ask, as I start to get nervous to the perspective of asking her out. I never did that before. What if she say no….What if she say yes… «I'd do anything for you Marius. » Answer Éponine as she locks her fingers into mine, tender love in her eyes.

We left the café and went to a florist nearby where Éponine help me to pick the perfect flowers for Cosette. We decide to go with daisy because it was spring, because they were delicate like her and because she often has dresses with this flower pattern. To thanks Éponine I bought her roses because I know she liked them. When I saw the joy in her eyes I was proud of myself. I guess I'm starting to get better at understanding girl and making them happy.

Ponine finally brought me to the upper town where Cosette was living with her father. Even if her house was small it was clear to see the wealth of her father's job. I kissed my friend on the head before knocking at Cosette door. When I turn around, Éponine had left, knowing that it was better if she wasn't there. I smiled. She was such a good friend.

I turn my eyes to the door when it open and I blush when Cosette answer. Oh god. How do I do that.


	4. The moment Éponine became one of my

**The moment Éponine became one of my close friend**

I knew Enjolras for long enough to know that when the finals are coming he become a zombie who bites you if you try to disturb him. So when I agree to be his roommate I knew that every week of the final it would be better for the sake of our friendship that I was going to sleep elsewhere. At least until his final exam. I don't want another tantrum of his because I woke up too early and broke the few hour of sleep he authorizes himself between the student association and his homework.

«No cigarette inside Courf.» I look at Jehan who frown looking at me while brushing his long and blond hair. I rolled my eyes and went on the balcony to finish my morning cigarette. That and a coffee was the only way for me to start my day on the good start. I look at the city waking up. The bakery in front smell like bread, the flower shop where Jehan worked just opens their door and two schoolgirl walking to the university in the short dress. God I love warm weather. It's when the hunt starts; it's when the girl doesn't bother to have too much on them. Whoever invited summer dress needed a Nobel Prize. I can wait to be backing home for the possibility of bringing perfect girls like those two back to my bed. I finished my cigarette and my coffee a smile on my lips. When I came back inside, Jehan had made pancakes with fruit salad while humming a Taylor Swift song. Yes this is going to be a good day.

After leaving Jehan to one of his poetry class I went to the library to grab a book I needed and because I knew Enjolras and Combeferre were going there before class to work on their paper and talk about tonight's meeting for the student association. Thanks to Grantaire's poster we knew more people will come tonight than the usual fifty. I found them in the back of the library where no one could distract us and our whispers won't bother anyone. But it's not like people go to library those day. With internet things are easier. «Finally! » Sighs Enjolras as I sit beside Enjolras that was pale as a ghost. I raised an eyebrow and look at my watch. «Five minute late, this isn't the end of the world. » I said with a smile. Enjolras was always a punctual person but when he's stressed he tend to put his stress out by focusing on stupid detail like being five minutes late. «Anyway» Said Combeferre to cut my roommate to start a tantrum. «We need to prepare tonight's meeting, people come because of the budget cut and half of them probably doesn't know why we are planning a manifestation so it's important that we explain them everything before even talking of going to the streets…»

We manage to plan and debate quite a long time before the planning was written and approve by us three. For the first time of the day I saw a smile drawn on Enjolras lips and I felt better. Something in the back of my head always worry that his body won't follow and I'll got a call from the hospital saying he's having a breakdown. Combeferre had an exam to attend and we wave him goodbye, looking at the clock I realised it was pass noon. Enjolras and I had a class at two but he didn't seem to bother and was already working on an essay due next week. I am sure he had finished it and was only checking for the fifth time if everything was in place so I sight and put my hand on his paper. «Let's grab a lunch. I'm hungry» It was a bit of a lie since Jehan cooking skills made me eat more that I should have but I wanted Enjolras to have a break for his own good. He opens his mouth to protest but seeing my eyes he close it. «Okay fine.» He finished by agree. «But let's do it quick» Happy I grab my bags and books and walk out with him to go to the coffee shop not so far from the university. They had sandwich so it will be quick enough for him but at least I will have made sure he ate something in his day.

The coffee was surprisingly empty for a final week where, usually, people were going to coffee and bars to stop being distracted from tv and video games. In this time of the year, this is the best place to hunt for nervous school girl who need a bit of relaxation by my hand. «Hey R! » I said as we enter. I forgot he was working here and every time I see him behind the counter I'm surprised to see him there. At least he looks more alive than when he's half drunk in our meeting. From Enjolras's jaw tension I can feel how he dislikes the boy but I never understood why. Yes he's a cynical and he's there because of Éponine but she missed all week and he was still there at his duty, never missed his delay for the poster we asked him to do and he makes us laugh when time is needed. If Enjolras is the brain of our group, people say I am the heart. And yes I admit its true. I care about the people who come to our reunion. I care about my friend. I love them. I love them all. With their quality and their flaws. «Go sit I'll take care of it» I said nudging my friend. I didn't want to upset more Enjolras that I had to today. I wanted it to be a good day and so it will happen.

As my friend went to a table and open his book I walk to the counter to order lunch for the both of us. «How is the final going for you» I ask to make conversation as he's brewing the coffee I order. Grantaire in his usual nonchalance shrug. «Okay I guess. If I could I wouldn't be here I need to finish a painting due Friday. » He said continuing to prepare my order. «So I guess you will miss tonight? » I ask in a frown. Even if I don't like people leaving us due to their homework it was something understandable. Everyone and I first would take all the time the student association was taking from us lately to put in into homework. But there are causes that can't wait the finals. We needed to go to the street even if we had papers due. Grantaire frown. «No, I'll come. I gave my words so will I» He said. I try to hide my surprise; it's the first time I heard him having interest in the association. «Well Ponine did too and she didn't show up all week» I recall. Grantaire froze a small second before giving me the cup of coffee. «She just don't deal well with the stress like me. I can perform under pressure. Not her. If she didn't come it's because I forced her to stay home and do her work. Don't be mad at her for that it's my fault. » He was doing our sandwich and the fact that he wasn't looking at me make me frown. He seems ashamed and I didn't like it. We always treated people as our equal in the association. «I am not mad» I said calmly to show him the truth of my words. «I wasn't talking about you.» He answer looking at Enjolras who was reading. I smirk and laugh a bit. Oh so that's why he was acting this way. The fact that Enjolras asked him last meeting where she was? Yes our leader asked it in a rude and cold way that wasn't his intention at all. Grantaire was too far impress by him for his own good. «Don't worry, if he doesn't understand 'ferre and I do. We just miss her. » I assure my friend who give me a weak smile before giving me my order. «I am sure she miss you too.» He simply said taking my money.

The fact is I didn't believe what Grantaire said. Yes I could understand that Éponine was stressed by the finals and she needed to focus. But she was only showing up in her class, never met us for lunch, answer hours later our text message and that its if she's doing it at all. Something was wrong with Éponine and Grantaire was covering for her. That got me worried. We were friend for months now, what was so dramatic that she was avoiding us now. So, while forcing Enjolras to eat his food, I promise myself to go check on her later. Maybe if it was really due to school I might be able to help her.

So went the day. After our class, Enjolras and I went up to the apartment quickly to get change, eat and go to the reunion where about a thousand students were in the café. The bartender seems overwhelm but I knew they won't mind the extra money we bring them right now. We talked about the budget cut the university will have if the law passed in the congress and with the approbation of all we decide to go do a manifestation in front of the prime minster house this weekend. With Enjolras word people left the café Musain ready and motivated to ask the government for a changed. And Combeferre, him and I couldn't be more happy to see finally a spark of desire form the other to gain our right.

I left my friend drinking together, celebrating our meeting to go see Éponine like I promised myself earlier. I knew Grantaire wasn't coming for long moment when I saw him opening his second bottle of wine. We will have time to talk alone. After taking the bus and loosing myself in this part of the town I never went –let's say it wasn't the safer part- I manage to find the address and knock on her door. After a moment in open and lets say I wasn't ready to see Éponine in that state. Dark mark under her eyes, pale as a ghost, clothes five times too big for her and hair in a mess. I never saw her like that. She wasn't like Cosette who put hours in her daily preparation to look perfect but I always knew Ponine had enough pride to fix her hair and put something decent before seeing us. Never had I seen her poorly dressed or ugly. «Hey» she simply said, not even trying to hide her surprise. «Hey. I was just checking up on you. I…I miss you» I wanted to say _we _miss you but quite frankly I was missing her. She was a great add to our group and she was a great friend. Always taking care of everyone, always laughing, always up for a debate. A perfect balance of fun and revolution. Girls like that are rare and she left an empty spot in our group with her absence.

She made me enter and went to tie her hair in a bun before offering me something. We end up sitting on her balcony, enjoying the first warm night of the year a beer in our hand. And she finished telling it to me what the real deal was. I was right that Grantaire was covering for her. I knew for quite long that she had a thing for Marius and was more than surprise when he come to tell us she help him to get a date with Cosette. I thought she moved on and help him have her friend but from the pain in her eyes I knew I was wrong. We all were. «Hey there's plenty fish I the ocean Ponine, and Marius wasn't the smartest one. I love the kid but believe me you can find better. If he never understood how you loved him then he's not worth your love.» I said wrapping my arm around her as the sun gave his lance glance before diapering into the night. We all knew how found she was of Marius for weeks now and decide not to do anything because, quite frankly it wasn't our business. But maybe we should have. I love girls but I hate to see them broken heart. And even more when a girl was my friend. «You just need to get laid and move on.» I said in a joke. But apparently it didn't work because Éponine tense into my arm and burst into tears. Oh god no. Not a girl crying. I don't know how to handle that.

«Hey. Hey calm down. I'm sorry. I don't know what I said but I'm sorry» I said putting my beer down to hold her into my arm totally confuse. She warp her finger at my sweater like her life was depending on it and cried into my arm for minutes, trying to talk but not being able to do anything but to sob loudly. «I'm sorry Ponine. Shhh. Please stop crying» I said lost and confuse. What did I even said.

Jehan: Are you coming to sleep tonight or the finals are over for E?

Jehan: Never mind he told me he had a test tomorrow. I guess you too

Jehan: So are you coming?

Jehan: Where are you by the way you left so early?

Jehan: Well I'm leaving in two hours, you know where the key is if you want to come by to sleep

Jehan: Tomorrow it's waffle day

Jehan: I'm leaving the café now

Jehan: are you okay?

Jehan: I guess you found a girl and are way to busy to text me.

Jehan: Good for you :D

Jehan: The waffles are always available tomorrow morning.

Jehan: Sleep well! Or do something else. AH!

I chuckle as I see those dozen messages Jehan wrote me during the night. I had plan to go back to him after checking on Éponine but things didn't work that way and the last thing I knew I woke up in her bed. Her hairs were still wet from the shower I force her to take and she mumbled when I left her arm. I put up the sheets so she will sleep a bit longer. Her pajama was short enough to wake her up due to the cold air we had this morning. And I wanted Éponine to sleep. After the hard night she had and the talk we had, she needed more than four hour of sleep.

I leave quietly her room and smile as I smell coffee. I intend to go buy some with bread before waking her up but apparently Grantaire was already awake. In the living room, painting on the floor, his headphone on his ear. I look at his art and smiled, not sure to understand his abstract concept but it was beautiful. As always. The guy can be many things but he has talent. When my shadow hit the light of his paint he jump and look at me surprised. «Shit you scared me. » He said in a laugh as I join it. «Sorry. » I said while he was standing up. «It's okay. I knew you were here I saw your shoes in the hall.» We heard him arriving home a four am and stumble to his room totally drunk. Éponine wanted to go see him but I made her stay in my arm as she was about to fall asleep. She needed more support than him last night, and I am sure he wont mind. «Coffee?» He ask walking into their kitchen. I smile at the perspective of it and walk with him. «Please?»

Not to wake up Éponine we end up on the balcony talking, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes in this cold morning. Last night was so warm what did happen. I hate spring for that. «Did you and Ponine…» I turn my gaze to Grantaire who was looking at me weirdly as he didn't finish his question. No need of a drawing to understand what he meant. «No…oh go no.» I said but seeing him frown I clear my throat and calm down a bit. « I mean…no we didn't. She just needed someone to hold her and I was there that's it. » And maybe Grantaire didn't know but for me waking up in a girl bed and being fully clothed and without having touching her wasn't how I work usually. But yesterday, after Ponine's confession it was my last thought about doing something like that. She just needed a friend who hugged her and make her believe her world won't crumble once again. I still don't know how to handle what she told me. She wasn't just heart broken, her wounds were way more profound and no one here could ever think of what she went through. No one but Grantaire. And I totally understand him for covering for her now. I would have done the same. «Oh... okay. I was finding curious that you two were… » He pause himself, clearly not sure how to say we might have slept together all night long. It made me smile so I hide it by drinking my coffee. «Well she's not the type who have one night.» He finished.

I smile and blew out smoke before answering «I know. » unable to look at him. I never saw him so protective over her it was rather intimidating. I wonder what he will have say or do if we actually slept together «We just talked late and she fell asleep on me so I slept here that's all. » I explain not knowing really what to say or not to say. «Is she okay? » I look at him. He was worried. Really worried. And probably hurt. Because I think he knew her too well to know we didn't had a small chat all night. If I am here this morning its because she talked to me about something important. Something he might not know. Oh god…did he know. «I don't know. I think there were thing that she needed to get out of her chest and she didn't want to bother you because of your finals.» I said, using her words when I asked her if she ever talked about it with him. Grantaire laugh and finished his coffee. «Yeah, that's more like her. She always thinks she's trouble to me. »

He grabs my cup and went inside to fill it with new and warm coffee before sitting and lighting his cigarette. We said in silence together for a while and it made me realise how little I knew about him. Or even Éponine. «She…she told me everything.» I said. I needed to talk about what she told me yesterday and from all my friends I knew Grantaire was the one who could maybe ore understand me. He was Éponine's friend way before us all. «But like…_everything_. Is this true? I mean did her dad..» I bite my lips. Unable to ask it. _Did her dad really raped her. _ I put his coffee down and look at my surprised and speechless. «She told you? » he ask after minutes that felt like hours. I nod. Unable to accept that her words were true. Grantaire curse quietly before putting his hand in his hair, trying to figure out what to say. Just like I was. « You know you are the first person she ever talked about it beside me and the judge in court.» He said looking at me. I felt my heart drop. «really?» He nod and look away, pretending to watch the town as he was probably lost in his mind. In his memory. I felt so wrong to be by his side right now. «Oh….» was the only thing I managed to say.

Grantaire finish his cigarette before talking. «She don't trust people easily. Marius was the first one she had since. » He was protective. And I could understand that. I could have said the same to any men that will be near her now. I don't ever want to see her that much broken and lost like she was yesterday. «Yeah she told me.» I admit. I wanted to slap Marius and scream that he should have fall in love with Éponine instead of Cosette. But love doesn't work that way. And I promise her to never tell anyone about it. «So if she told you, she trusts you a great deal…So don't break her heart men. Just…. Don't. Please.» And I knew he wasn't just talking about saying to everyone her secret. I don't know how but I gain Éponine trust and it was my duty to prove her that men aren't just people that can break her down.

«Morning guys» Éponine's voice made me stop answering and Grantaire gave me a look to make me understand that our conversation should never left the balcony. I whisper him a «I won't. » that made him smile and we went to the kitchen to eat with her. Before I left for school she wraps her finger around mine and kiss my cheek. «Thanks Courf.» She whispers with a small smile. «Anytime Ponine. Anytime.»


	5. In which I threw a party for my friends

**In which I threw a party for my friend **

Contrary to the common opinion, I am a not a robot but a man of flesh, I care about my friend, I sleep every night, I eat at least two meals a day and I know how to have fun. I just know there's a time and place for everything. And now the finals were over, the school was done and the stress was over I know it was time for a night were I could relax, have fun with my friend and enjoy their presence before our summer jobs start and the student riot start to arise. So when I told Courfeyrac we could throw a party in our apartment, he didn't ask me twice for message texts to be sent and a facebook even was created. Having him around the house was fun. I appreciate he understand my need of solitude during the two weeks of finals, but I do miss him when he's not around.

Of course I say that but the first night he came back he brings two girls in his room that didn't seem to care about me. I managed to get to sleep reading the first manifesto of Marx until three am, my ipod playing loudly in my ears. He apologizes in the morning. Like he always does. But it's until another girl fall for his trick and gets him laid. «You wouldn't complain if you'd try it one day E. » He told me once. But I am sure I wouldn't be interested even if there was a girl rubbing on my lap. There are things that are just not for me. The constant need of getting laid is one.

I was happy to see everyone responded quickly to our invitation. Sometime even warrior need a break and enjoy their life and tonight will be one of those night. Of course I expect us to finish our night debating about something because this is what we always do. But the main point of our meeting isn't that. And I know that's what people need. After a weekend of manifestation in front of the President's house that end up in a promise to come back every weekend until the budget cut wouldn't be cancelled, we were all exhausted. The promise of those manifestation made me smile because I know, even if it's a lot of work, we will be heard over and over and people will find and hear our voice. Our first manifestation was a success and seeing that everyone agreed to repeat it confirm me my friend had the same ideal as me.

I end up cleaning our place while Courfeyrac was to the grocery buying food and alcohol. Combeferre and Feuilly arrived early to help with the preparation and before the other arrived we were already in a big discussion about Poland's government. Bahorel arrived a bit after with his guitar and start playing to create a mood. I love hearing him play. His finger creates magic every time he touches an instrument. Bossuet and Musichetta came after with their hand full of wine. Joly won't come. Apparently he coughs a bit this morning and now he want to be sure he's not contagious before talking to his friend. We are used to that so we let it slide. Too bad Joly was so excited to come when we announced it. Cosette and Marius arrived together, beer and cds in hands. Since they became a couple they are like glue together. It's a bit annoying to be honest but I play nice because I promise Courf. And finally Grantaire and Éponine arrived an hour late as their usual. I almost hope Grantaire didn't show up but I wasn't in such luck. I just hope his love of the bottle won't disturb us again. Though it was fun to see Éponine around now her stress of the finals were over and went out of her room.

I wouldn't say it out loud but I was having fun right now. Four hours after the party had started and I realised how I missed my friend during the past two weeks of the finale where I did anything but work. Feuilly, Musichetta, Combeferre and I were having a big debate about the North American's education system, and it was captivating. And I don't know if it was for the multiple beers I had but for once I enjoyed more listening to my friend than talking. Seeing them as animate as me was always something comforting to hear. The laugh of Éponine made me look that where she was with Courfeyrac and Bossuet so had started to slow dance together. Bahorel was still playing guitar near them while Marius and Cossette was listening to him glued together, a beer in hand. Enjolras scuff at those two. The merged into one person since they were in couple. The only time we didn't see them together was when they had class. If love means being constantly over each other lap licking his throat, I'm glad I put it aside. But I've been friend with Joly and Musichetta where those two started dating –it was way before Bossuet joins them in their love triangle – and they were like this for the first month. After they start to behave like civilised citizen.

«What do you think E?» Asked Musichetta that bring me out of my half-drunk thought. I shrug. «Hey if student in a province in Canada manage to kick out their prime minister because he wanted to raised their student fee why shouldn't we try it too? » I said in a confident smile. I knew, with time, we will fight about the budget cut. And we will win. There is no way people of France wouldn't do the same. I have faith in my country. Or at least in people living in it. Musichetta took her cellphone and rolled her eyes, she was constantly reassuring Joly he wasn't about to die. Feuilly try to point out that it wasn't a good thing for a hypochondriac to be a doctor but all he got was a dead glare from his girlfriend and we decide not to think about it. We know better than making Musichetta mad.

Granitaire just left with Jehan hand in hand and Éponine ran toward the door to shout something. I think no one except her and I would have notice if she didn't have done it. And this is why I am sure she just did it. «HAVE FUN GUUUUUUUYS» Scream Éponine as she sat near Marius and Cosette laughing like I rarely saw her. «Awh good for them» She said looking at the door with day dream eyes. Cosette giggle by her side blushing. Bahorel stopped playing his guitar and raise an eyebrow. «Wait are they gone for….» He ask and both girl start laughing harder. «Yeah they are gone at our apartment to fuck.» Said bluntly Éponine. I frown. There would have been nicer way to say such thing for my taste. Sometime that girl like a sailboat. «Well they've been making out on the balcony for the past hour. I was about to tell them to go find a room» said Marius in half a smile. Courfeyrac and Bossuet burst into laughter with the girl and soon enough everyone was laughing with them. But I didn't. Part of me hated to know that both of them were only doing this because they were drunk. Well for Grantaire that wasn't a new thing but I wonder if Jehan would throw himself for someone as harmful as Grantaire was. «I didn't know R was gay.» I simply say drinking my beer. After all, some night he had girls on his lap for hours barely listening the meeting we have. But quite frankly I never saw him kiss one of them. Not that I look frequently at him. Just something I noticed.

Ponine shrug and finish her drunk. «Oh god yes he is believe me. We even slept together to check out. Turns out even I can't make him turn out hetero.» She sight and I wonder why. «Such a waste» Waist for what? The girls around? Why was she saying that. And why was I so tensed right now. Ugh this Grantaire frustrated me. Everything he does is wrong and I know he will break Jehan's heart. I don't want him to hurt one of my closest and purest friends. But apparently people were focusing on other things. And Courfeyrac almost spit his drink on me. «Wait what» he exclaimed. «You what?» asked Feuilly «No way! Shut up! » Laugh Musichetta. Éponine, laughing, picked up chips, eat them and shrug. «We were sixteen. Calm down guys. He wanted to check out and I wanted my first time to be with someone I care. Win-win situation for both of us»

I scuff and went on the kitchen while the other seems to be interested in Grantaire sex life. Was I the only one worried for Jehan or what? He wasn't the type of boy to do one night. That was Courfeyrac or Feuilly kind of thing. Picking up another beer in the fridge I heard a «You guys are weird» and I couldn't agree more. Who would sleep with a girl to see if you are gay? That's just something you know. «Say the guy in a three person relationship» Answered back Éponine. That made me laugh for the first time since they guys were gone. Entering the room again I saw Bossuet smirk and wrap his arm around Musichetta's neck. «Touché» He said. I laugh.

The party continued, the discussion turned around other things and part of me regretted to have thrown this party.


	6. The morning after

**The morning after**

Of everything in my life, I never expected that I would wake up by Grantaire's side. He was still sleeping right now. I've never see him like this. Carefree, relaxed, without a twinkle of tiredness in his eyes and wine as blood. He should be like that more often, because he was beautiful. My eyes run down his naked body and I feel myself blushing at the memories of his harsh mouth on mine, his strong hands on me, his voice breathing my name out in pleasure. I shiver. What a night.

I know I started to feel something for him the first time he came with us. We spent the morning drawing cards to hold and it's the first time I saw him laughing at things other than Enjolras and because he was too drunk. When I saw him concentrate in his painting, away from the world, I felt my heart beating fast. Not many people can see Grantaire as anything else than a drunk cynical guy. But forgetting that he's an artist. And a good one. And every artist haves a strong and sensitive soul. And the more I learn about him the more I was attracted to him. But I know the guy had something for Enjolras. Something that will never be reciprocated and will kill him. And it made me sad thinking about it because if he just looked at me he would have find someone who actually wants to be with him even if he didn't believed in our cause.

But thanks to Combeferre's advice, yesterday I went for it. In the first place I wanted to read him one of the dozen of poem I wrote for him. But Ferre was right about the fact that maybe Grantaire wouldn't get the hint. So during the party, he was making me laugh and telling me how a good friend I was and he was happy to have us around. He was telling me how he felt safe and happy for the first time in years and he liked us all. Coming from him this confidence was huge. And I couldn't help myself and I kissed him…right on the balcony. And when he kiss me back and his hand found my hair I felt my whole world turn upside down.

I sigh, butterflies in my stomach and poetry in my head. Oh the things I will be able to write. I look at him once more and seeing he was shivering I put the blanket on his shoulder before getting out of bed slowly not to wake him up. I will be back in a few seconds; I just needed to go to the bathroom so I could spend the rest of my morning looking at him sleeping. I think that is my new favorite hobby.

After putting his sweatpants on I went out of his room quietly to meet Éponine wrapped in a towel getting out of the bathroom. I blush even harder, not really prepared to talk to her right now. I forgot she lives with Grantaire. «Good morning» I said with a calm voice and she smiles. «Good morning Jehan. Did I wake you up?» She asks but I shake my head. «No, not at all. And I should ask the question in fact… did we disturb you I mean… we were a bit loud.» I blush even harder and Éponine burst into laughter which makes me red even more. «Oh I just got home don't worry. I know R is loud with sex. I slept at E and Courf's house. Don't worry. » She winks at me and let me the room as she went into hers.

After doing my business I was to go back to Grantaire's room but I couldn't help to see Éponine going to all her wardrobe a bit frustrated. «What's wrong? » I ask entering her room. It was small. Really small. Enough for a bed, a table and a wardrobe. But this whole apartment was like a shoebox. Maybe it was a bit sad to see that she didn't seem to have a lot of procession. The room was barely decorated except with her school book, a few pictures and what I could bet would be some painting from Grantaire. I know his touch when he draws. «Nothing I just hate when I hate with Cosette and her father. I remind me how little _proper _clothing I have. » She said. She was trying to joke but the wrinkle on her nose showed she was upset. I never notice she had a complex with Cosette, they were such close friend. And even if Cosette look like a porcelain doll she never did a word at anyone's expend or even judging anyone style. So why Éponine was making a big deal out of it. «Dos it have to be proper clothing?» I said, reusing her words. Éponine adjusts her towel and nod a bit desperate. «Her father wants to meet me to probably give me a job I can't wear jeans and a t-shirt and its barely all I have. » Oh. Yeah I get that.

I sat to her bed and look at the clothes on it. I manage to grab a pair of leggings and a long shirt simple and sweet. That could be great together. A bit transparent though. So I took one of her black top to go under and present her the mix. She looked at me like she was about to kiss me. «Oh my Jehan….oh that's perfect. Oh my God thank you.» She kisses my cheek quickly and went into the bathroom changing herself. I laugh and look around, curious a bit. As I was trying to find a jewelry she could wear with that I found my eyes captivated by the picture of her holding a smaller boy with another tall girl that look exactly like her but with brown hair. Éponine came back finding me with the picture in the hand, studying their faces, wondering their story. «Who are they?» I asked, curious. «My sister and my brother. They live in Montreuil» She said with a sad and melancholic smile. She seems to miss them. «Oh». I didn't know she even had brother and sister. She never talked about it except to say her family was there.

«So is it enough?» She was turning on herself and I understood it wasn't the time to ask about her past but to help her calm down. I nod. «Prettier than a flower who blossom.» I said. She rolled her eyes but I saw her smile. So I guess she appreciated it. I motion her to sit beside me and after she did I start braiding her hair. It would be lovely with it. At first she seems surprise but let me did it. «So…you and R. Was it a onetime thing. » I bite my lips, taking my time to answer as I decide to redo her braid with a ribbon I just found on her bed. «I don't know… To be honest I hope not. » My heart shrink at the idea that I might have been a one night stand for Grantaire. It was better than nothing, but I'd like more. «Well, fair warning R isn't the guy who deals with emotion by thinking about it. I don't know if you want a friend with benefits thing or a more serious relationship but….if you want to know and not hurt yourself, talk to him.» Her words got me worried. Did she seriously think I could ask him to be my boyfriend like that. I know Éponine know him more than everyone, but did I have enough courage to have _The talk. _It took me everything to kiss him yesterday. «Thanks I'll consider that» I simply say as I finish her braid. She looks at me with a soft smile before going to the mirror to see what I did. From the smile on her lips I knew she liked it.

Soon enough she left the apartment and I strip myself down to go back to Granitaire who never notice I went helping his roommate. I look at him sleep a bit more before closing my eyes, letting my thoughts get the better of me. Éponine gave me her okay to date Grantaire and for me it means a lot because I knew how those two were protective about each other. But the fact that he was still in Enjolras spell was worrying me. Am I good enough to make him forget. Am I good enough to replace our leader?

I must have fall back asleep because it was Grantaire's arm around me and his lips on my neck that woke me up. I let out a gasp before opening my eyes to meet the one from the boy I love. My heart beat fast as I realise that I just don't have a bit of a feeling for him. I'm really in love. And the way he looks at me right now makes me melt. «Good morning J. » He says before playing a bit with my hair. I smile and play with his. I love the feeling of my finger in his curl. «Slept well?» I ask. He chuckle before pulling me closer to him. «Oh yeah.» I laugh with him, blushing against his chest, his finger now traveling on my back.

We stayed like this in silence for quite a while. My hand playing with one of his, the other traveling on my back giving me goose bump. Cuddles. Something that one night done share. I hope. «I like you» I said to him after pushing myself to have the same courage as yesterday. If Éponine told me we should talk about us quickly it's because she might know what I fear to happen; did Grantaire slept with me to forget Enjolras for a night. My head stood up so I could meet his eyes who were looking at me, a bit clueless. «Like…a lot.» I bite my lips, my heart was beating so fast I was about to throw up. But seeing he wasn't talking I continue. The small courage I had was starting to fade away. «And… I don't know what's yesterday night was for you but…for me it was… it's….hm..» I lower my eye, unable to look at him.

I was a poet, I was good with words. But right now Grantaire was making me speechless and unable to make a clear sentence.

«I…I don't want it to be over. I want to wake up like this every day by your side. I want to feel your arm around me when you sleep, I want to know what's in your head, in your heart, I want to spend time watching you painting, I want to be more than just friend. I want to….» Grantaire stop my speech my putting his lips against mine in a strong but soft and tender kiss. Nothing he gave me yesterday. «Hey Jehan relax I won't bite you. Calm down. Speak your mind. » He said keeping my face into his hand. And I couldn't help but felt tears into my eyes. I never saw him so caring and loving in all my life. That's the Grantaire I was in love with. The sensitive and caring person he was before building wall with his alcohol and his bad jokes. I took a deep breath. Before everything. I had to ask him the real question. The one that was making me scared to admit my feeling. «Did you sleep with me because you can't have Enjorlas.»

I saw the tenderness in Grantaire's eyes go away and a cold dark glance of him. He let my face go and his face got sadder. I could feel my heart brake as he tenses up. I was right. And I was a fool. He wasn't answering that was the worst. No. I couldn't stand it. I shouldn't have listen Ferre and I should have kept my feelings to myself. Because now both of us will be awkward. I jeopardise our friendship because I couldn't help myself. I was starting to understand Enjolras and his idea of not even caring about love. It might write great poem but when you fall you broke your wings. Does that night of happiness was worth the sadness in my heart right now….

I sat up on the bed, put my hand on my face for a second so I could stop myself from crying in front of him. I wanted to have at least a bit of pride. And then I was about to leave, take my clothes and call Feuilly but Grantaire's hand grabs mine. «Don't go.» He says. I oblige. I sit on the bed and put my knees on my chest while he was sitting up by my side. «I…sorry about my silence I..you just took me by surprise. » I nod and wait for him to talk. Because I had nothing to say. «And the answer is no.» «Look I can't have him and I know that. But I don't want to be in his shadow for the rest of my life. I loved him. He didn't. End of story.» A man of word like I was couldn't help but notice something. «You said loved.»

«Well…why hang onto something I can't have and makes me just drink even more. I don't know if my liver can take it.» He tries to joke. That was a bit funny. A small smile crack my lips even if I didn't want him. «Sorry if you felt used. That wasn't what I wanted.» He looks at me with an apologetic smile and I felt bad now. God I understand Éponine when she told me he wasn't good with his emotion but I guess it's part of his charm. «No no its not that!» I said putting my hand on his. We look at each other and once more I fall into being speechless and unable to say clearly how I felt. How does he do that. I mix our finger together and a small smile grow on his face. I wrote about love doesn't of time; I even fell in love before. But being in love with Grantaire was asking me a courage I didn't even know I had. «I might not be Enjolras. But I love you Grantaire. I do. And I want that... us… to be something.»

Grantaire presses my hand a bit harder before looking at me with a confused and scared look. «I am no good Jehan. I don't want you to try to fix me. I am what I am and I might be someone people want to change and when they see I am hopeless they leave and I just dragged them down the whole relation I don't…..» This time it was my lips that shut him to talk as I kiss him softly. «I don't care R. I don't want to change you. I love you for who you are. Forget the others who want to change you! You are perfectly imperfect.» Grantaire looks at me with eyes I never saw before, takes my face into his hand as I feel my heart skipping a beat. «Jehan…» He whispers. I could see the confusion, the fear but also the hope in his face. I stroke my hand to his face as our lips met in a kiss that meant more than four hundred poems.

It starts out gentle, but as we continue, or desire grows. The kiss turns into a hungry, desperate thing. The time for words is over. My mouth parts slightly, allowing his tongue entrance and he quickly obliges. Soon our tongues are clashing in a battle that he quickly wins. A moan escapes my lips, muffled by the kiss. «R.» I murmur, placing my hand on his cheek. My fingers brush against his slight stubble, kissing his jaw lightly before returning to his lips. My heart is pounding in my chest so fast I think it might explode. There's a sharp intake of breath as I feel his rough, calloused hands on me, pushing me back on the bed.

His hand traces along my body as he leans down to capture my lips again. I groan as I feel his growing hardness against my stomach. The feel of his body against mine sends a wave of desire through me. I harden embarrassingly fast, but I can't help it when it comes to R. He has this effect on me like no one else ever has, or ever will. I let out a breathy moan as my need rubs against him and I can feel him grin into the kiss. «Ah!» I let out a desperate gasp as I feel his hand ghosting on my inner thigh as his lips relocate to my shoulder. I clutch his hair desperately as he teases me, tracing his finger in small circles. He licks and bites and kisses his way down until I'm writhing beneath him, my body desperate for his touch. «Please R.» I whisper, gripping his hair tightly. «Please-» My words are cut off as I feel his lips on my cock, already glistening with precum. A noise akin to a whimper escapes my lips as he takes the head into his mouth. My back arches, fingers clutching the sheets as I move up towards him, needing more of his touch. He lets out a small chuckle, pushing my hips down as he bobs his head, taking the rest of my length into his mouth. Another groan escapes my lips as I move my hand to grab a fistful of his hair. «R. » I moan, my hips bucking against him despite his efforts to restrain me. He continues, head moving up and down, tongue dancing against me. His movements quicken and I know I'm close. «R, Oh God-» I gasp, releasing into his mouth. His hand grips the base, greedily devouring every drop before he comes back up to reclaim my lips.

The kiss is much more gentle than I expect as he settles next to me, his fingers threading through my hair as I try to regain my breath. I smile warmly at him, turning to look into those blue eyes that have captured my heart. «I think I love you R. » I whisper, finally gaining the courage I needed. He stares at me for a long moment, kissing me once on the lips before he finally responds. «I think I love you too. »


	7. One voice

_Hi guys. I just want to thank all of you for following my story and taking time to write me something. It's really motivating. Im in my final week of exam right now so I might be slow to post until next week but I will try to take a break and write some things. _

_I love you and thanks for reading. _

_Xxx_

**One voice**

I have to admit I always had a crush on Marius. He was kind, a bit corky and really really cute. Well many of the people that were in the student association were quite attractive and I was with Grantaire's theory that the rebellion was starting to get a real impact because of their face. But no luck for them because most of the boys where taken. Joly and Bossuet were with Musichetta, I had my Marius, Enjolras was hopeless with his cause and since a few weeks Jehan and Grantaire started dating. I still remember when Éponine showed me the text message from Grantaire while we were eating with my dad. I almost fell of my chair. I never thought Jehan would succeed to get Grantaire stop thinking about our leader. But I was wrong. I always was when it came to love. I never asked Marius on a date because I knew Éponine had feelings for him but when he came to my door and told me she was the one helping him to ask me out, I understood my friend was letting him go. I never truly believe she got anxious after that and had to lock herself into her room until the finals. Despite what Courfeyrac and Grantaire were saying I was sure she was crying. And I felt bad. Terribly bad. Éponine became one of my best friends here. But when Marius was around I forgot to feel terrible because when he kissed me nothing else matter.

But I knew I had to make up to her.

With dad always moving when I was young I never had friend that lasted more than a few months. And for once I felt we would stay in Paris longer. At least if papa go away I'd have to stay here because of the university. And since I was here for the long run I wanted to have real friend. No just be with people and not getting to attached because I know I will leave soon. This is how I felt with the people at the student association. This is why I wanted to have Éponine around me as well. I didn't want to lose her for a boy problem. And when I ask Musichetta for help she mentions that Éponine was always trying to hide that she didn't have as much money as everyone and I could help with that.

It was common knowledge that she was living on the government help and half the time Grantaire was paying the rent or the food for both of them. And she was having so many problems with school that she needed her time for studying and not to work. –And I wanted to forget the argument she had with Marius once when he told her maybe university wasn't for her and she get really upset and said that she won't end up uneducated like her parent. We decide never to speak about it again – But the problem with Musichetta idea was the fact that Éponine was someone with a lot of pride. She never want help and will never accept it. This is why when my dad offers me a summer job in his company to help with my resume and get a little money for myself, I decline the offer and make him meet my friend. Éponine needed more the job than I and, let's face it, the pay was enormous.

And since she got the job I found back my old friend, the Éponine I met during the first day of school. The one that smile, laugh and always have something to say. Now I had now a boyfriend and get back my best friend back, the summer got better.

Marius and I decided to spend the day together before joining the other at the café to finish our sign for tonight's protest. Dad wasn't really happy about the fact that I was protesting against the budget cut since he was paying my education. But when he met Éponine and she explain him that without it she couldn't even go to school he stop arguing with me. Though he made Marius promise to keep me safe and my poor boyfriend is terrified of my dad now. But I can't be upset about it. Dad always wanted what's best for me.

«Happy four months» Marius whisper into my ears before putting his arm around me and showing me a box. I shiver. I always love when he hug me like that. I look at the box, curious, biting my lips. We agree not to do anything special for our four months since the manifestation was in the same day. And it wasn't like it was our sixth months. Honesty just spending time with him right now was all I could wish for. But Marius was a hopeless romantic. And I was in love with him for that. After making him a curious look I open the box to found a key. I got a bit relief. I was scared he bought me jewelry and I'd feel bad for not buying something after that. «I key? » I asked taking it in my finger. Marius chuckle, kiss my cheek and hug me tighter. «It's the key of my apartment. I want you to have one. » He said. I turn around to look at him, star in my eyes. «You got it?» I said with a smile. My heart beating fast. Oh he must love me to trust me with his own roof. He had been trying to find somewhere to live since the finals where over. His grandfather despite the fact that he was fighting against the government and thing were tense in his house right now. He wanted to leave. «I got it his morning. I am moving in a few days. The boys will help me.» He said with a smile. I jump into his neck and kiss every freckly of his face. I was so happy for him. And I was so happy for us.

One day when our kiss got heated, he stopped me a bit afraid. Even if my dad wasn't home he told me he wouldn't be able to do it knowing he's under my dad or his grandfather's house. And quite frankly we both didn't want our first time to be in a hotel room. If at first I thought it was just an excuse for an awkward virgin to tell he wasn't ready, I understood quickly he meant it. After telling Éponine and Musichetta –who laugh at me so hard I got a bit mad- they made me understand that Marius was maybe the kind of guy that want his first time to be perfect…or worst wait until marriage. I couldn't blame him. Even if I didn't told the girl I was a virgin too. I wanted Marius to be my first. And I wanted it to be perfect. I was ready to give myself to him for quite long time but I loved Marius enough to wait. I was happily in love with him. Yes sometime frustrated when we had to stop and I was all overwhelmed with desire. But he always make up by being extra-caring about me, never missing a change to cuddle me, to buy me flower, to compliment me or only looking at me with love. I was studying about women who fought to be seen as an equal and be treated with respect and. It would be hypocrite to be mad at Marius to do exactly that to me. And despite what Grantaire, Bossuet and Courfeyrac were claiming; sex isn't everything in a relationship.

He made me visit his apartment. It was not far from Feuilly's one. Which is a good thing since Marius loves him. And I was happy because it was near the school. If I sleep at his house I will be to go to class easily. The whole apartment had a bedroom, a living room a small kitchen and a bathroom. It wasn't a lot but for Marius it was enough. And when he shows me the balcony my breath got taken away. «Oh love….» I whisper, my breath taken away. We had a wonderful sigh of Paris where we were. Seeing the Eiffel tower from far and many trees. And on the ground he had prepared a picnic for us to lunch together. Four months, and he always manage to surprise me. I turn to face him and my lip grabs his. I let my finger slide into his brown hair as our tongue met and I felt his hand sliding on my back. «I love you so much» I whisper on his lips. I felt him smile before kissing me again. «I am bless that you granted me with you love. » He answers back when our second kiss parted. I chuckle and kiss him again. And again. And again.

And the picking got forgotten for another hour where Marius whisper words of love on my lips.

The café was crowded and yet not half the people who promise to come to the manifestation where here. We all knew most of them where getting ready at home and will join us in due time. But I would never miss our moment of preparation. I loved them. Seeing everyone getting prepared for our action and the exited atmosphere in the air was making what's Enjolras was saying true: if people unite we might win. He _will _win. Marius and Feuilly were distributing a red square to hang on our cloths. An everyday reminder for the government that we were protesting. It was an idea from Combeferre that got quite popular. People at first were asking why we were wearing it, it gave us a chance to talk about our cause. We manage to gain more followers. And soon enough the dozen of red square became hundreds. People were recognising it. The protestation was growing up.

Grantaire, Jehan, Éponine, Musichetta, me and some other new comer where making sings on big sheets so we could hold in front of everyone. Anti-government slogans were written, draw and discuss. «Hey Cossette look at this one» Said Grantaire showing me his last work. I burst into laughter seeing his protestation sign. Written in big black letter, R's slogan was _Im a little upset_. When the girl saw it they join my laughter and Grantaire couldn't smile more proudly. «What about _Meh. This bothers me a little I guess_» I propose. «_Come for the cause, stay for the booze_» Enchain Musichetta. «_I'm only here for the blonde_» Laugh Éponine «_E said there would be cute boys here_.» Continued Jehan. _«I am missing a class right now_» I said tears of laughter in my eyes. «_I had nothing else to do_» Giggle Musichetta «Oh no…I got it. » Said Grantaire before taking a new piece of paper. His_ Hi mom_ made us all laugh harder, unable to breath and talk. God I love that guy. He makes this whole serious thing so much funnier and lighter.

«It's fun to see that you are only _a little upset _about the fact that more than the government make high education harder for non-wealthy people to access and take this money to put it in program that privatise our society instead of helping us.» Enjolras voice makes our laughter stop at once as he stand next to us. I look at Éponine who rolled her eyes, but was taking Grantaire's hand under the table. «Relax Enjolras I wasn't going to bring that in the street it's a joke» He said taking swing at his beer. Ho I hated when those two started to fight. It always messes up the mood. On one hand Enjolras should relax. On the other Grantaire should stop to tease him. «Why don't I believe you» Said our leader. «Because you never believe a word I said. » I looked around to see where was Marius. I would love to have here near me. His arm could pretend to protect me. The other already continued to write their sign while both of them were fighting but I couldn't do like them. I couldn't pretend I wasn't listening their argument. «Guys calm down» Said Jehan warping his arm around Grantaire. But Enjolras just got even madder. «No. I'm sick of stupid things like that. If you think this whole thing is a joke Grantaire its time to leave. We are growing fast and by the end of the summer we will have taken down that shitty government and rise an new clearer world. This is the time you chose where you belong. » I was really uncomfortable when Enjolras was talking like that. Combeferre was even walking toward him to calm him down. «And I'm talking to everyone. You can continue to _joke _or actually _try _to make a better world. » I look at Jehan who was pale as a ghost but Grantaire only smirk. He was about to talk but Éponine poked him and shook his head. By this time Combeferre and Courfeyrac where taking him away to calm him down

«Geez is he always like that?» Ask the girl by my side. Amanda I think. She just joint the association, I was still having a hard time with names of the new comer. «No sometime he's worst» said Grantaire with a sad laugh. «Grantaire…» I said trying to give him a cold look to tell him not to scared new people. But I didn't manage to be mad at him. Enjolras did overreacted for a joke. Grantaire kissed quickly Jehan before saying «I need a drink.» and leave for the bar. His boyfriend followed him. I gave a warm smile at Amada «Don't worry he's just stressed. He's always like that before the manifestation, Enjolras barks but don't bite. » I heard Éponine laugh and Amanda seems calmer.

We were more than a hundred in the street, sign up in the hair, our face were painted with the France's flag, clamming anti-government slogans and reacting to Enjolras speech he was giving in a megaphone. Policeman were around us. Journalist too. It was the first time we were that many. Dad will freak out if he watches the news. But I didn't care. I was with my friend, I was fighting for justice and equality and on my hand, and Marius had painted a heart while we were painting our face.

Yes life was hard when we have a large group of friend. We fight half the time and there is always some love story going on. But when he are standing it the street, all the drama is over and we become one. One voice that speak for justice and equality. And this felt right.


	8. Girls night that boys love

This chapter is Co-written with Granjolrass who help me with the smutt. Thank my dear :)

Enjoy the chapter loves!

**Girls night**

When I met Joly last year I never believe how that will changed my live. I never thought that, by dating him, I would have found a bunch of friends that would become soon my family. Not that I was a sad person. I had a wonderful life before I met him. But coming from a small town, I felt swamp in the big city that Paris was. I was lost and lonely. I had friend but never felt close to them and most of my night where spend at my job or alone in my apartment. Falling in love with Joly bring me home in his arm and friend to care about. Of course, sometime I felt like an impostor between them. Of everyone I was the one that wasn't studying in the university. But they never make me felt apart. At first I thought it was because of Joly, but when all the drama happens with Bossuet being jealous of my relationship with his best friend. I find good ears that listen to me. Marius holds me the night Joly broke up with me after I'd kiss Bossuet. Feuilly and Bahorel changed my mind the whole week both of my boys wouldn't even talk to me. Courfeyrac was the one who lock Joly Bossuet and I in a room forcing us to talk about our love problem. I think most of the people wanted us to be together. But they never expected that, leaving out the room, Joly, Bossuet and I were together.

It took us almost a year to figure out but now we were celebrating our one year the three of us together. At first I wasn't sure about it. But being lock into a room for four hours makes people talk from the bottom of their heart. And when Bossuet finally burst into tears and admits he was jealous that we had eachother I felt terrible. When he admit before I enter Joly's life he was falling in love with his best friend I felt worst. And then when he told me he loved me too I didn't know what to think. We both cry into each other's arm, confused and crying. And then Bossuet only whisper «I want to be with both of you» and after that things evolved. It was scary at first. Part of me wonder for a long time if I accepted at first because I felt bad to have stolen Joly from him or even worst…just for the sex. –Because let's face it, it was amazing- But the more I start dating him, the more I felt for him. But when I got a phone call from the hospital because he had broken his foot –thanks to his clumsiness- and I rushed by his side, I know it wasn't by pity that I felt. I knew I was in love with him and I got scared that something worst happen to him. And since then I never doubted my love for Joly and my love for Bossuet. And I never felt happier.

But sometime I wonder if it's weird that, in our group of friend, the thre-person-relationship was the less complicated. And it was probably why people where always calling me when it come to love problem or advice. I didn't mind. It was entertaining most of the time. Marius was something though. Texting me every hour his anxiety was driving me crazy and I almost kiss Éponine when she told me she bring him to Cosette house so he could ask her out. I only pretend I didn't know where Cosette was leaving because I Ponine had a crush on him for a long time. And after Courfeyrac asked me to watch over Éponine even she was pretending to be happy, I made a point in my life to laugh at Cosette sexual frustration with his boyfriend. Poor Marius he's more awkward in couple than alone. Helping Jehan with Grantaire was something I had a hard time to deal with. I was scared that our poet got heart broken. I love Grantaire but he's so rough that I got scared he was too harsh on Jehan's heart. But Bossuet was lovely and come to my rescue by forcing those two on the balcony during the party and whispering word of courage to our friend in love. And it worked perfectly.

I was become a tradition since the end of the semester that every Thursday Éponine, myself and Cosette met to have a girls night. Going to see movie, go shopping, and making dinner that last until late and walking on town. It depended of our mood. Today Éponine had invited us to a dinner. We rarely goes to her place so it was a nice invitation. We spend the afternoon painting our nails and talking in front of the first season of How I met your mother –Feuilly told me to watch it and he was right it was hilarious. After a moment we order dinner, too lazy to cook and went to by cake and wine. Yes, the kind of day I love to spend with those two. I love the boys in the association, but some alone time between girls is always welcome.

The night was well started, our plate where empty and we were gossiping about everyone in our friend when Ponine finally admitted she invited us here because she felt lonely since Jehan and Grantaire where together. «It's not that I am jealous of him. I… I just miss R. The fourth time I tried to plan something just the two of us he end up cancelling or invite other people. We are never together the two of us » She was jealous. Grantaire and her where always together and since he was with Jehan she was a lot more alone during the reunion. I didn't thought it was bothering her though. Oh lord, other drama coming, I could feel it. «I barely saw him this past month and now that Gavroche coming home for a week I know R will gave him his bed and stay at Jehan. » Oh right. She had to watch over his brother. I didn't get the whole story. Something about his sister moving out to America and Grantaire's parent helping her move out. And since her brother asked all summer to see her that was the compromise they made. I was curious to see that kid. I learn about him a week ago. Éponine with a kid had something weird about it. «He's in love.» I said with a small smile, finishing my cup of wine. Cosette went open our second bottle and put some wine in our three glasses. I gave her a warm smile. «I know… and I am selfish I know it too. I never saw him that much happy since… » Éponine stop her sentence quickly. I raised an eyebrow waiting for her to finish her sentence «a long time». She sigh and grab her glass. Almost finishing it in one trait. «Well, you are not alone tonight. We are here no?» Giggle Cosette wrapping her arm around our friend.

«Yeah but you'll leave and I'll end up alone in my bed.» I almost spit my wine, laughing. «HO! So that's the deal» I laugh looking at our friend who was turning out red. «No it's not…» She said a bit to quickly. This time Cosette join my laughter. Those poor two girl where so sexually frustrated I almost felt bad I had two men for myself. Almost. Because quite frankly Joly was amazing in bed and so Bossuet. And let's not talk when we are the three of us where together. «Why don't you ask Courf' he'll be happy to help.» I said half joking. Because I total knew he would come in a heartbeat. I had a long conversation with a really drunk Courfeyrac in the café the other day where he admits maybe starting to feel something for Éponine. But he wasn't saying anything because she was shoving him away drastically every time he tried to be alone with her. And maybe those two needed a night together like Jehan and Grantaire to have _the talk. _«Oh god no!» Said sharply Éponine, even more red. Totally amused by my friend sudden shyness I took my glass of wine, a smirk on my lips. «I don't want to be just another girl for him. I worth more than that. And beside it's not the point» I look at Cosette who had an amused smile on her lips. Did we just picked up something right now? Or was I dreaming. Was Éponine starting to move on from Marius? At last!

I wanted to investigate for my own curiosity and, maybe to fill on Courfeyrac about her, but my phone buzz on my pocket. «Who's this?» Happy that the focus wasn't on her anymore. I was almost sure they were about to joke about the fact that it might be Joly calling sick once more but I forget that Grantaire wasn't around. He was the sarcastic one. Not Éponine. And Cosette was too sweet to mock my boyfriend. I look at my phone, surprised. «It's Enjolras. »

«What? What does he want? This late at night?» Ask Cosette, surprised. I really didn't know. Enjolras barely talked to me beside when he asked me to take care of the facebook invitation for our manifestation or the association. I was in charge of it. Usually he was talking to Joly or even Bossuet before me. _Hi Mu'. I am really embarrassed to ask you this but I need advice about girls, can you call me when you get the message. It can wait tomorrow. Have a great night. . _My eyes widen. I excused myself and went on the balcony. There is no way I will wait tomorrow to know what _Enjolras _need as advice about _girls_. Somewhere, hell as frozen.

When I come back in the kitchen, Éponine and Cosette stop talking and look at me, ready for the gossip. Part of the cake was waiting for me and I think I will need more of the wine that the sweets right now. I was good to resolve love problem between our friends, but Enjolras problem was something I wasn't sure I could help. I sigh, smiling, when I saw my friends waiting like kids and their bedtime stories. «He asks me if I knew a girl he could trust and borrow for the weekend. » And those were his exact words. Enjolras was the greatest speaker I ever heard, but I swear when it comes to sentimental stuff he was as bad as everyone else. Seems like even our leader have flaws. As I sip my wine, I saw the jaws of Éponine and Cosette drop. «….what?» Ask Éponine looking at me like I was mental. «Borrow a women? What an ass… We are not objects» Oh lord. Right. Those two were feminist. I should have say other words than Enjolras. I knew he never meant to pretend we were something he could grab to the store and throw when he was done. But Cosette started a whole speech how Enjolras was fighting for equality but was saying stuff like that and I roll my eyes. «Oh Cosette relax. When I asked what he meant by that he understands it wasn't what he wanted to say. Enjolras is not a masochist.» Cosette rolled her eyes and ate her cake but clearly was upset. Sometime I forget she can blow up on one word. And the porcelain doll she seems to be turn out into a warrior. Feuilly's favorite game when he was drunk was to tease her with that.

«So what he want a hooker?» She ask. Éponine burst into laughter with me. «Enjolras? A hooker? You are drunker than I thought. » The image of Enjolras asking a hooker for a quick sex between two works was so funny it took me a moment to stop laughing. I don't know what would be more awkwardly the situation or Enjolras himself. «No. No it's not that. He just need someone who pretend to be his girlfriend in front of his parent for the weekend». I said catching my breath from the hilarity. Cosette, who seems calmed down raised an eyebrow and say «that's' weird». I shrug, not really. I heard so many story about his parent from Joly that this request was normal. But then I realised that those girl might not know. We knew them for less than a year and I wasn't sure how close they were from Enjolras. As everyone confident, I come with some knowledge of everyone that other people don't have. I forgot that sometime. And with the amount of wine I've been drinking its more than natural. «That's…. a long story. » I simply say.

I start eating my cake, amused by how Éponine and Cosette where intrigued by this. Now they knew this is why I loved being in that group of friend; you think you know everyone and then you got surprises. Like a message text of the one guy who hate romance for girls advice. This is priceless. «He asked you to do it? » Wonder Cosette, I shake my head. «No. He knew Joly and Bossuet won't like that. And he asked me what to do. » It's not because I love to boys that make me an easy person. I share my affection between Bossuet and Joly and no one else. I couldn't anyway. They are mine and mine only. Like I am theirs. «I'd like to help but Marius won't like it.» Said Cosette with a sorry smile, trying to find someone that could help our friend. «I can.» I look at Éponine, surprised surprised that she agreed on something like that. Her and Enjolras weren't that much of close friend. «Are you sure?» I ask, hopping she would say yes. Oh lord it would solve everything. Gossiping about problem can be helpful finally. «Well I have my weekend off and Grantaire is at Jehan all weekend. Between being here alone or helping a friend, the choice is simple. » Said Éponine in a shrug. She was trying to play indifferent but I could see the sadness in her eyes when she talk about her friend leaving her alone another weekend. «And beside, playing his girlfriend will be hilarious.» She joke and I giggle. I took my phone and went on Enjolras number. This boy will owe me a big favor now. «I want a full report on monday» I say before dialing the number. Éponine nod and Cosette giggle like a school girl. One other problem resolved by Musichetta. I was good at this.

When I got home, I was half drunk. No not really. I was completely drunk. After the third wine bottle, we ended up signing in Ponine's apartment until a neighbour asked us to calm down. I don't recall at all the taxi ride but it didn't really matter. It was a great night. I was trying not to make noise planning to go to the bathroom before sliding quietly in the bed next to my boys, but as I walk to go to the bathroom I found Bossuet and Joly on the couch, cuddling in front of a movie. I stop in the middle of the room surprised. I must be drunker that I wanted to admit. «What are you doing, it's four in the morning.» I asked as Bossuet who turns his gaze from the television to look at me with a warm smile. My heart skipped a beat. «Joly wanted to wait for you. I kept him company» He said playing in our boyfriend's hair while he was sleeping on his chest. They looked adorable like that, I wished I could take a picture. I went to kiss Bossuet quickly. «Had a fun night?» He asked on my lips before kissing me one more. I kissed him back, a bit longer before answering a «yeah» in a giggle. He pulled me for one more kiss before letting me go to the bathroom.

By the time I returned Joly had woken up and was yawning on the couch as Bossuet was getting me a glass of water. I giggled and took it before kissing him and plopping down on the couch between the two. Oh lord knows what wine does to me and with Bossuet's hand on my ass it was clear he knew exactly the effect it has on me too. «What are you watching» I asked after a moment, looking at Joly while Bossuet was playing with my dress. «Dr. House» Yawned my blond boyfriend and I raised an eyebrow. «Hm…Is it a good for you to watch that?» I ask. I didn't like to point out the fact that he was hypochondriac, but watching a show about deadly and unthinkable disease wasn't the best idea for him. I gave a mad look to Bossuet who rolled his eyes. He never worried about Joly's condition, always saying we should treat him like any person. But I rather be prudent. If one day Joly declared he was dying of something incurable, Bossuet will be the one taking care of him and nursing him. «Of course it is. The guy is a genius. I want to be like him.» I chuckle. One thing's for sure, he will be a great doctor.

Bossuet stared at the television, seemingly interested in the program, but the sly smile on his lips told me he had other things on his mind. "Did you two really stay up till four AM just to watch House?" I asked suspiciously. "What do you mean?" Joly asked innocently, moving in to push a stray piece of hair behind my ear. My breath hitched suddenly as Bossuet slipped his hand under my dress, tracing small cirles on my thigh. "I mean you two knew I'd come home with way too much wine in my system." I joked, trying to keep my breathing steady as Bossuet's hand worked it's way up my thigh, rubbing lightly outside my panties. "And that I'd be missing my boys." I added with a sly grin, moving in to capture Joly's lips. I moaned slightly into the kiss as Bossuet's hand slipped under the ellastic, a finger sliding down to where I was already embarasingly wet. He dragged it up slowly and I groaned again, deepening my kiss with Joly as my hips arched foward. "I've got no idea what you're talking about." Bossuet whispered, his breath hot, lips wet against my ear. "Yeah right." I said through shaky breaths, cut off by a moan as Joly's hand reached foward to graze a hardened nipple through the fabric of my dress. Another gasp escaped my lips. I could feel Bosset's manhood getting hard against my back and I reach out a hand to find Joly equally as excited. I grin as a small whimper escapes the blonde's lips in response to my touch. Reaching out I tug his shirt over his head.

The rest seems to happen in a whirlwind. Joly's lips are on me, trailing kisses down my neck and chest while Bossuet continues teasing me. I hear the sound of my dress unzipping, Bossuet's hands working expertly as I feel a thumb tweak my nipple. I gasp again and before long my dress is pooled on the floor. And somehow, I manage to find my voice. "Bed." I command through haggard breaths. "Now." As always, my boys obay my wish. Bossuet drapes me over his arms and we head for the bedroom. I pull them both onto the bed, ready to take some control. Tugging Bossuet's shirt over his head vilolently, I pull him in for a passionate kiss. My hand tugs at Joly's chin as I switch to capture his lips. After a few moments I pull away. I need to take a minute just to gawk.

I bite my lips as my eyes rake over their bodies greedily. I love it when they wear their pijamas. Firstly, it meant easy access, and second I could get a near perfect glimpse of their cocks, hard and aching. A sly grin crosses my lips. "Bossuet." I nearly command, looking up innocently at him. "I think you should help Joly get undressed." The taller man gives me a wicked grin as he eyes the blonde hungrily. "As you wish." He whispers, because God he knows this turns me on more than anything.

I watch as he pulls Joly towards him, capturing the blonde's lips as his hand slides down his torso. Joly moans against Bossuet's touch and I can feel the blood in my veins rushing ever southward. Rough palms brush against Joly's eager cock through the flimsy layer of fabric covering him. He groans again, arching into Bossuet's touch as the taller man's thumbs slip under the waistband of his pants. "You won't be needing these any more." Bossuet says, his voice thick with lust as he tugs off the blonde's pants in one swift motion. I groan, beginning to rub myself through the cotton of my panties as my boys grin at me, glad they've gotten my approval. Joly begins nipping Bossuet's neck lightly with his teeth. "Now that's not fair." He whispers, tugging on the boy's pants. "Then do something about it." Bossuet challenes. And Joly complies, sliding the boys pants down to join his own on the floor. Joly pulls him close, capturing his lips. A muffled groan escapes the kiss as their cocks brush together and fuck, I can't take it anymore.

My hand slides into my panties and I let out a breathy gasp as my boys pull apart to look up at me. "Fuck." Bossuet breaths, watching me pleasure myself. Joly lets out a groan, biting his lip. "Come here." I whisper, locking eyes with them as I beckon them to come join me. I don't have ot ask twice. They lay on either side of me, Bossuet capturing my lips for a ravenous kiss while Joly moves behind me, his hand snaking down to slide off my panties. I gasp as I'm exposed to the cool air, sliding off Bossuet's boxers as we kiss. Joly pulls away for a moment, and when he returns I can feel his bare cock, aching and hard against my ass. I groan, arching back to meet him as his hands reach around my back to cup my breasts. After a few moments, I break away, turning to face Joly. "My boys are so good to me." I say, my voice laced with desire. "I think they deserve a reward."

My lips find Joly's as I search his mouth hungrily. My hand works it's way down to his need, gripping it lightly as he moans into me. I let out a gasp of my own as I feel Bossuet's hand working behind me, slipping between my legs, sliding against my wetness. I push Joly down on the bed, my breathing heavy as I begin traling a line of kisses down his chest and stomach. He groans beneath me as I place meself over him and Bossuet isn't far behind. As I lick at the tip of Joly's cock, I can feel Bossuet's finger slide into me. I groan at the touch, moaning into Joly's hardness which only causes him to gasp. I move down, sliding the flat of my tongue from the base to the tip slowly. It's hard to keep my composure as I feel Bossuet working me. He slides another finger in and I groan yet again. "Fuck Bossuet." I gasp against his fingers. "I need you now. I need you both." Again, I don't need to say it twice.

Bossuet retracts his fingers and positions himself behind me. I can feel his cock pressing against my enterance as my lips part to take Joly's need into my mouth. Bossuet enters me and the pace begins at an achingly slow rate. I moan against Joly's cock, bucking against Bossuet in a desperate attempt to get him to go faster. I can almost feel him grin behind me as he sets a faster pace, his lips pressing against my back. Joly's fingers thread through my hair as he pushes me further down onto his cock. I moan, taking in all of him and moving to the rhythm Bossuet has set. I feel Bossuet's hand snake down to rub me and I can't help but gasp. I think of the two of them, how wonderful it feels to be filled by them at once. The thought alone nearly gets me off as the pace begins to quicken. I can hear Joly's shortened breaths, feel Bossuet's desperate spasms. My tongue works against Joly's cock as his hips buck against me. Bossuet's fingers continue to move against me, and before long I can't take it any more. I let out a gasp against Joly's cock as I come. He grunts, releasing into my mouth and as I tighten against Bossuet, I can feel him empty himself into me. We break apart, lying together on the bed as we try to steady our breathing. After a moment, I manage a laugh. My boys look at me cursiously. "But don't lie to me." I tease, snuggling against the two of them. "This is exactly why you waiting up until four in the morning."


	9. The weekend I was Enjolras's girlfriend

**The weekend I was Enjolras's girlfriend**

Five o'clock arrived too early in my life and I was starting to get anxious. I sigh and close the computer in front of me. After writing note on a file I will need to work on when I come back, I walk by M. Fauchelevent's office. «Do you still need me sir?» I asked politely like every day before I left. Every day I have a list of things to do or people to call and once done I always had to look if Cosette's father still needs help before being allowed to leave. I love it because sometime, on good days, I can leave by 2 pm, but other night I can be home at nine. But I will never complain, this job was a gift more than welcomed in my life. «No, I am almost done with this file and after it's weekend for me too. Thanks Éponine. » M. Fauchelevent said. I smile warmly at him. «Thanks for giving me my week off by the way, It's really appreciated! » I add before leaving. I didn't have the chance to thank him when I saw my schedule. I asked for my week off so I could be with Gavroche. He was coming on Monday and I couldn't wait to be already here. I missed him more than I thought and the perspective of having him soon made me miss him even more. «There is no problem. But I might have to call you if we got the feedback from Calgary. » I nod, hoping that they won't call. Their files were almost done but I still had a few things to fix before presenting them the final work.

After a moment I walk to the buss and close my eyes for two minute. An hour ride to go home now. But it's worth it. The pay is amazing, the job is so rewarding and M. Fauchelevent is a real nice boss. At first when he proposes me to be his assistant I was shocked but I couldn't refuse an offer like that. At first it was suppose just for the summer since the most of the activity from his company are during warm season, but he seems to like my work enough to keep me two days a week during school time. Its nothing sure, but I do hope it will work. I'll stop have to make Grantaire pay most of our rent or food.

But now I had other things to focus on. Other things more stressful. My weekend could be two thing; a complete nightmare or something amazing. And I was scared about which one it will be. My phone buzzed on my pocket and I was pretty sure it was Enjolras texting me the detail of our trip to his parent's house. I sigh. We haven't talk about it since I called him to tell him I was up for be his fake girlfriend.

But it wasn't him who rang me but Cosette. I chuckle. Oh right tonight was the big night. I cursed myself to feel a pain in my heart and open my messages.

Cosette: IM FREAKING OUT WHAT SHOULD I WEAR

You: Why do you care it will be on the floor anyway.

You: Lingerie is more important than the dress ;)

Cosette: ….

You: Call Musi' you have time to buy some before going

Cosette: Don't you want to come? I don't want her to laugh.

You: Because you think I wouldn't laugh? Hahah Cosette you are freaking out for nothing.

You: Sex is great when it comes naturally. Stop thinking and go enjoy Marius ;)

You: And I can't anyway, E come to get me in two hours I have to be prepared

Cosette: OMG ITS THIS WEEKEND! I WANT YOU TO TELL ME EVERYTHING

You: Only if you do the same with your night with Marius

Cosette: I'm calling Musi'. Love you have fun

You: You too Xx

I rolled my eyes and smiled. Did I freaked out that much for my first time. I don't think so. But it was different. It was with Grantaire. He made sure I was ready before doing something but kissed me like no one else. He was gentle and caring. He kissed my pain and looked into my eyes the whole time. I will never be that close to him that that moment when my bestfriend took my virginity. And I don't regret any of that. Three week later it would have been my father who would have took it. (_Oh…Look at that…I am not your first bitch. I knew it. You're a whore, a filthy whore. I love it. You are my whore. And I will make scream until you likes it) _I try to shove off my memory that made me want to throw up. My phone buzzed again.

Musichetta: I'll make her buy a string that will made Marius blush for a month

I burst into laughter. God I love my friend. They are always there when I need them the most. And sometime they don't even know it.

«You look lovely tonight.» I blush and chuckle as Enjolras took my bag. I was happy he seems to like my look; I put an extra effort for him. First impressions are everything and from what I heard from Enjolras's parent I couldn't present myself in my old jeans and my tshirts. So thanks to Jehan's help I manage to look more sophisticated than usual. A dress, high heels and flower in my hair. (_Hey I only took what was on your drawer Ponine, stop saying I work miracle._) We wave goodbye at Courfeyrac who snort before entering the car. Politely Enjolras open my door so I sit and I giggle. It's the first time someone do that for me. I look at the window where Courfeyrac was looking at us with a death glare. I waved him and he rolled his eyes before going back. I grin a bit too much. He'll taste his own medicine for once.

Enjolras sat before me and start the car. He turn down the volume of his radio and took a deep breath. «Thanks for doing this. » He told me, tense. He was nervous. I never saw Enjolras nervous for anything else than finals. It was weird. But what was weirder it's that I never was alone with him before that moment. «It's okay. » I said in a shrug trying to seems relax to calm him down. But I was as nervous as him I think. «We have about two hours to drive. Maybe a bit less. » He told me as the car start moving in Paris' street. «We are going to your parent's house? » I asked a bit curious. I only knew I'll spend the weekend with them pretending I was madly in love with their son. «Our summer house, it's in the countryside, my mother love to get away from the city sometime. » He said not looking at me. But I swear that I noticed his cheek getting pinker. «Your summer house…» I said in disbelief. I knew Enjolras's family was pretty rich. But not that rich. Two house. Of course a summer house is always smaller but still. Where I came from this is barely impossible. Before I move out at Grantaire's parent with Azelma and Gavroche, our parent just got a letter telling us our house was taken by the banks. We were force into the street. Of course my dad put the blame on me and made me scream so hard Gavroche ran to Grantaire's house to beg him to do something. The rest is history. A history I wanted to forget. «Something's wrong?» Asked Enjolras cutting my horrible memories. «No…no! I just wonder how it is to have a summer house. » I said unable to look at him. Even in this car, for me Enjolras was our leader. I was a bit intimidated by his presence by my side. «Well it's a house. That we open in summer so we can go down the lake. » He said. I felt that I insulted him. But why. I was just impressed of what his parent had, not judging it. «Yes I know the concept.»

The silence flats in the car. Enjolras drive, I put my head on the windows and look at the road. God this will be a long weekend.

«I'm sorry.» I look at Enjolras who just stopped the car. We were in front of a small house near the water. I imagined something bigger full of Greek sculpture all around. But no, it was a small house made of wood, flowers every were and a bench where you can sit and enjoy the sun probably. Much simpler than the luxury I waited for. «What?» I said a bit confused. «I know the ride was a pain and boring I…» He sigh and look at me. For the first time since we got in the car he wasn't wearing a cold mask but looked at me with an apologetic smile. «I just want to get this thing over and then go back home.» I sigh. Yes the nice was long and yes I was a bit regretting to had accepting it. But it's the first time I saw Enjolras vulnerable and I knew I choose the good thing to do. He needed help and I will be by his side. «Are they that bad? » I ask worried. He chuckle and shake his head. «Not my mom. I just don't get well with my dad. And that made her sad so I prefer to stay away from our inevitable fight and don't hurt her.» I nod taking a mental note to be extra nice and charming with his father.

He was to get out of the car but I stopped him. «How did we meet? » I ask. He looked at me confuse but during the ride I realised something. «Your mom will probably ask where we met and how it happens. We need to have the same story if you want to convince them.» I saw his face brighten and I smiled at him warmly. I always keep my promise. And I will be the hell of a daughter in law. It took us ten minutes to figure out our story. Basically it the same as the real one but we had the love part; we met when I showed up in the association, we became friend with Marius help. But the lie was that one day after a meeting he asked me out on a dinner and since then we are a couple. For four months. And we are never been happier.

We get out the car, ready to go see them. He took my bag like a gentleman and we walk to the door. But before knocking I turn him around me and press my lips against his. He looked at me startled as I pulled off, his face as red as his jacket. It was quick but we both blush. I lace my fingers in his and simply said «I didn't want our first kiss to be in front of his parent.» trying to pretend that kiss wasn't weird for both of us. For the first time of the day Enjolras laugh as he knock the door.

The dinner with his parent was not what I expected. After the greeting and the kisses, his mother –Victoria- invite us to the dinner she had cook. The table was filled with food that reminded me how hungry I was. It took less than an hour before Enjolras and his dad already fought about the Student association's manifestation. ( _I pay for your damn school be a bit grateful and stop pretending it make you poor. ) _To distract me, and visibly embarrassed, Victoria and I end up talking about me. As I knew she asked me how I met his son. I told her the whole story while putting my hand on Enjolras's laps. I got surprised he didn't pushed me out. Good think I reminded him that small act of affection like this will me what will sell our couple to his parent.

«What's your opinion on the subject Éponine.» Finally his father asks, cutting down my conversation with Victoria. I clear out my throat, unease and look at Enjolras who seems mad from this question. I look at his father and gave a strong and confident smile «Without due respect Monsieur, I agree with your son.» I said, joining my hand in his. He looks at me with a smile full of love and I smile him back. «I have not the most supportive parent in the world. For them going to school is a waste of time and money. So I have to pay everything on my own. And without the government help I couldn't be here right now. If they cut the money it's mean for me going back to my town and it's not something I want» Both Enjorlas parent listen to me and, for the first time I think they were really listening the point of view their son had. «I understand that you can be upset at your son for fighting against something he doesn't need. He's in the lucky one that have parent who pay his school. » I agree with them. «But your son doesn't fight for himself. He never did. He fights for people like me. People who need help. People that aren't as lucky as him. His fight is selfless, for the greater good. For people to have the same chance as him» I look at Enjorlas with a soft smile. «And this s why I've fallen in love with him.» I said. Enjolras smiled at me and kiss my hand fondly before we look at his parent. We could see his mother's heart melting of love and his father even drew a smile on his face. «Let's have desert.» He simply says while serving the apple pie into our plate. With parent that always were ticking bomb I always knew how to talk to diffuse fight that don't have to be. And from Enjolras's relief sight I understood I manage to calm his parent down. At least for dinner.

Bossuet: I am sure you are the first girl to go into Enjolras bed!

Joly: It's a small step for men but a giant leap for mankind

Feuilly: We are not drunk.

Jehan: And we didn't bet if you two are gonna sleep together or not

Grantaire: Please don't sleep with him I don't want to lose 20 bucks.

Musichetta: Cosette string is pink bye the way

I burst into laughter, closing my phone for the night as Enjolras enter our bed room with his pajama bottom and a plain tshirt. It's the first time I see him looking so casual. «What's funny?» He asks and put my phone on my bag. «I think they are throwing a party, I got drunk text» I simply said, not really sure it was a good idea to tell him that our friend bet on us. But I knew way better than trying to get into Enjolras pants. Even if that guy was really beautiful –even more in his pajama- I knew physical attention wasn't his style and I couldn't just do it. It wasn't fair for many people in the group. Not just Grantaire. I sigh and shove my thought away. «I'll sleep on the floor.» He simply stated, but I saw a wrinkle on his nose saying he was a bit upset. I sat on the bed and shake my head. «Absolutely not, you sleep in the bed, with me.» I stated, a bit surprised. He looks at me unsure and I rolled my eyes. «E, we can sleep and the same bed and not sleep together. I won't jump on you, come on! » I saw his shoulder relax and he sat next to me mumbling something I didn't quite heard. I sigh. I though after the dinner he would have calmed down but apparently not. Seeing him like that made me nervous. «Are you okay» I finally ask after a moment of silence. He nod and slide and sight. «Yes, yes, I got drunk texts too. I hate when 'Ferre and Courf text me in that state. » I wonder what they told him but I was too shy to ask. And I hate to see him upset.

And on that moment I realized how I wasn't close of him as I thought we were. I literally had no clue what to say or do. It was awkward and uncomfortable. And I felt he felt the same. I even sense him tense up when I slip under the sheets. Oh lord tell me its not the first time he share a bed with someone. How awkward this weekend could be? «You were amazing on diner» He finally say, probably to cut the silence that fill the room. «Clearly you are a good actress» I chuckle and nudge him. «I didn't do all the job you play along» I recall. He did kiss my hand and looked at me like I never saw before. He played his part in a way it even surprised me «And it was mostly the truth. I like you for those exact reason.» I said putting my hand on his. He _finally _look at me and bit his lips. Oh lord he was so adorable like this. «Oh..uh..thanks.» He said blushing. Great Ponine, make it awkward again we you just manage to diffuse the tension. «I like you too, its fun to see you fight with us.» He said playing with my finger out of nervousness.

_This definitely because we share a bed _I think to myself.

«I was starting to wonder if we were friend only because I hang out with the others» I admit. He chuckle and look at me a bit confused. «Do you think I would have accepted for you to come here, or even invite you to Courf parties if I don't consider you as a friend? » He ask. I never thought that being his fake girlfriend will make us have such a heart to heart moment. And for the first time I just felt I wasn't talking to our leader but at an equal. At a friend. And it took us to be in pajama in his bed for that. «Well you hate Grantaire and you invited him.» He scuff at my answer. «I don't _hate _Grantaire. » It was my turn to scuff and I rolled my eye. I cross my arm on my chest. He needed to hear what we were all thinking anyway. «Well you don't seems like him.» I say. «Every time he talk you roll your eyes and, I'm sorry but, you are mean when you talk to him.» Enjolras close his eyes and take a deep breath. Part of me fear I insulted him but part of me wanted to defend my best friend. Grantaire was maybe loud and sometime annoying but he didn't deserve the treatment E was giving him from the start. «I…I don't' hate him okay? » He said opening his eyes and looking at me with a shadow in his eyes «I tolerate him.. No I…. » He stop himself and I frown. «Look. I don't hate him. Stop worrying about it.» He finally said and I sigh. I just wanted those two to get along for once. «I know people like him. And apparently he makes Jehan happy so….» I raised an eyebrow, trying to pretend I didn't heard how cold his voice was when he talks about Jehan and Grantaire. Obviously he wasn't approving that couple and it got me intrigued. I went to open my mouth and ask him question but he cut the conversation short by saying «anyway, we should sleep» and lay down.

I sigh, understanding that he didn't want to talk about it or get questioned. We were friend but not that close apparently. I lay down and turn my back to him. He closes the light as I close my eyes. «Good night E. » I whisper and I swear I almost feel he was crying when he told me «Night Ponine. »

Enjolras woke me up around ten, already changed and probably wake up for hours. I looked at him put tea on my night stand and smile. He seems more relax than yesterday. The worst was over; from what we felt his family liked me and seems to buy our relationship. Though now the real work start. They could see our lack of proximity as nervousness but we had to spend the whole day with them and now we will have to play a happy couple who just fall in love. «And how do we do that» he asked me as I stood up the bed. «We act like Cosette and Marius but less awkward. More like Jehan and Grantaire.» Enjolras scuff and roll his eyes and I pretend not to be insulted by the fact that his face change when I mention my best friend's name

And we didn't talk about last night.

We spend the morning with his parent. I learn how to play chest, Enjolras's helping me while I was against his father. I help his mother making some cookie for lunch and every time things get heavy between my friend and his father, Victoria and I manage to cool them off. Pretending I needed to kiss my boyfriend or Victoria asking help to her husband to grab or fix something. Strangely, I was a great team worker for that.

When afternoon arrived, Enjolras pretend wanting some alone time with me and, hand in hand, we walk into the forest next to the house. (_Grantaire was right, his hands are so soft) _we ate by a small lake, talking about the revolution we wanted to do. I nap on his lap as the sun hit my face, he read the document he had to know for his first tv interview due Tuesday. We didn't talk much. But this time it wasn't awkward. I even appreciate that moment by his side.

«Thanks for not asking question.» He told me as we were packing to go dinner with his parent. He takes my hand and I smile. We didn't have to hold it yet. I guess it was his way to show me his affection. «You agreed to this without even knowing why I needed it and you didn't try to find why. I… I appreciate it.» I bite my lips. I try to ask Jehan and Musichetta about it and both told me he only had a hard relation with his parent. Courfeyrac and Combeferre told me not to ask anything and it will be better that way. So I understood it wasn't of my business. «I only supposed you wouldn't have tell me if I'd ask.» I said in a shrug, which was half the truth. He stopped and look at me. «The least I would have done was telling you. You need to stop thinking what you think or wonder isn't worth to be spoke.» I sigh and look down. Where I come from, you learn the hard way to hold your own thought and mind your own business. I was able to have debate with my friend but with people like Enjolras or Combeferre it wasn't easy for me. I was only able to do it more normally with Courf because that night where he held me the whole time I cried about Marius «Can I know why?» I ask with a small voice. Enjolras smiled at me, proud and kiss my head.

«Yes.» He said as we continue walking. We walk a moment in silence before he spoke and I don't know why but my heart start beating so fast. «Contrary to what people joke about, I am not a robot. And I _do _have sexual preference. » He starts. I felt like it was a speech he rehearses earlier but I didn't mind. If he opened up to me I won't complain about the method. «My father thinks he owns me since he pays for my school. And my mother… well it's not her type to stand up on her own. They raised me in love and they are great parent, we just had different opinion on many things and we got apart. And right now I know that if I add more disappointment to my father, he will disown me. And that will break my mother's heart. I don't mind never to see my father again but I can't do that to my mother. » I bite my lips trying to figure out where I enter the equation. Did he think that having a girlfriend who's nice will change something in that? Because it really won't.

«And in my dad's perfect planning of my life he think that it's time for me to get settle, get married, have children and continue our family lineage. Which will never happen.» I chuckle, wrap my hand around his arm. This was a bit medieval of way of seeing, I could see why he don't get along with his father now. «Enjolras someday you might find a girl who…» I start to say but Enjolras cut me. «I'm gay Éponine.» I stop talking, quite shock. Because first I never expected for him to have a thought about it. And also because from all thing I never expect him to be gay. Not that it matter but he seems so harsh when he ask me about Grantaire sexual orientation that I though he was a bit homophobic. I bite my lips feeling horrible, unable to find something smart to say about it. Because yes I see the problem with him being gay and his dad dream for him.

Seeing my silence Enjolras, red and upset, continue. «And if I burry myself into that much work and I say I don't care about those thing it's because I know I _can't _care about those thing. Not without breaking my mother's heart. So I keep myself busy, my mind occupied to do greater thing than wondering about my own problem. » He admits. We stop walking and I saw how upset he seems. «E…» I said putting my hand on his cheek. He walks away and sat on a rock, putting his hand in his golden hair. I bite my lips and sat by his side rubbing his back. «You asked me why I hated Grantaire. It's because of that. » He said to me bluntly. My eyes widen, amazed by this revelation. I always thought it was because he was drinking and always mocking him during the meetings. «He's so… able to be himself. He doesn't care about what people will think of what he do or say. He doesn't care to make out with Jehan without thinking that people will judge the fact that he's gay» That, was more than true. I continue to rub his back and start massaging his neck with my finger. I saw him close his eyes and start relaxing. Boys do love when we do that. «And seeing him with Jehan piss me off because…» He took a deep breath. «…they both have what I can't. »

When I heard him sniffle I understood that he was crying and it broke my heart. There is no place in the world where it's okay to see Enjolras crying. I always think that guy was perfect and without flaws. Sometime a marble face hides a great struggle. I should have known better. Am I not doing the same. «Grantaire wasn't like that before we move to Paris you know.» I said massaging his neck and playing with his hair, praying he calm down. I hated to see him that upset. «I mean he always was loud and cynic, but in Montreuil you can't be openly gay and not be beaten.» I explain, a bit sad. «He's only confident about it in front of you because he know that you guys will never judge him about it» We sat there in silence and I finally wrap my arm around him and he put his head on my shoulder trying, fixing his breath on mine so he calm down. I kiss his head and he gave me a small smile. I didn't want to bring up Jehan and Grantaire relation back in the conversation. I knew how it hurt to have something you can't have. Coseette and Marius reminded me every day. «It's sad that you have to do that E, someone great like you shouldn't have to push down part of him. » I said, playing with his hair. «But be sure that I'll be your fake girlfriend as long as you need. »

He chuckle and raise his head to kiss my forehead. I smile. His cheek were wet but at least he was back to smiling. I never saw him more vulnerable than that moment right here, right now. «Thanks Ponine.» He said before standing up, wipping his tear and offering me his hand. «That's what are friend for.» I simply said taking his hand walking back to his parents' house.


	10. Afternoon in Paris

**Afternoon in Paris**

The meeting was in a few hours. And it was an important one. Our movement started to rise more passion and the café will be crowded with not only with our old friend. French student were starting to approve our cause which means two things; our voice will be heard and we had double the work. Between Courfeyrac organizing the meeting and manifestation and Enjolras being our designed leader and spoke person I was the one juggling with the paper work; helping my friend to write his speech, answered the multiple phone call, set Enjolras' agenda for his tv appearance and his meeting with the government and trying to get everyone a job. It was a lot of job.

Lately I've hang out a lot with those two and part of me wanted to accept their offer to sleep to their flat until the whole thing is over, but I lived during a year with Enjolras and I moved for a reason; it was our friendship who was in danger. I love Enjolras from the bottom of my heart but when he's stress he's too much for me. And since I moved out I find back my high school friend. Our complicity came back. And it's that rock we needed to be solid right now because people were looking at us; Courfeyrac, Enjolras and I, Combeferre to lead the student revolution to term. And we will. We won't stop fighting until we gain back the student monetary help from the government.

Before we were going to Musain to plan our meeting and start it when time has come but the café was too crowded already and we needed a place where we could think and eat before everyone listen to what Enjolras will said. So the café a few blocks from Musain was the best place; not many people were going there and we could walk when it was time of our association meeting. Plus Grantaire, who work there, was giving us free food and drinks all the time so it was a bonus.

«So how did your weekend went?» Bahorel asked a large grin on his face. I try to repress a smile at the lack of subtlety of our friend. «No I haven't slept with Éponine if that's you asked.» Said bluntly Enjolras without looking up his note, clearly annoyed by the question. I'd knew he wouldn't appreciate that we place bet on him and his sexual life but trying to reasoned my drunk friends are as useful as trying to make a wall talk. I saw Courfeyrac face trying to shine as he excuse himself for a cigarette pause. But I saw the two men walking away and Bahorel giving him 20 euro. I laugh and turn my gaze to my note for tonight. After a moment of silence and taking advantage that Courf wasn't around for once I had to make sure of something «Did you…» But Enjolras cut me. «No! Ferre I didn't slept with Éponine.» He said harshly looking at me with cold eyes. «You from all people should trust me with that.» I nod. I knew he was insulted I asked since I was the first person he told me about him being gay. It was even me who propose to pretend he had a girlfriend so his father will stop question him for a bit. I just never thought he would accept… or it would have such an impact on everyone.

«Sorry..» I said adjusting my glasses. «I just though you could have wanted to try. There is no shame in that E, I just needed to know if you were telling the truth or lying because of Courf.» I explicitly texted my best friend not to sleep with Ponine even if I trusted he wouldn't. I bet when drunk I might have get carried away with Feuilly and Bahroel making us doubt. After all Éponine was really pretty in her own way. «Was it that bad» Sigh Enjolras, taking his coffee. I sigh and look at Courf laughing outside with Bahorel, a smoke in his hand. «Yeah he pretend to need a smoke but he cried in my arms when I went to check up on him.» I said recalling how wrong the party got from there. I tried to calm the game but that bet crossed a line. «I don't think it's just a crush like we thought.» I said shaking my hand. I never thought I'd see the day Courfeyrac would fell In love for her girl but his strong reaction at the simple idea that Éponine was with someone else was proving a point.

«Well It's not our problem» I laugh a little, expecting that reaction from him. I thought it was a good idea to let him know what one if his best friend was dealing, but I forgot that sometime he tend to push away emotional problem of everyone. Probably by fear of facing his own. «Enjolras…» I laugh, placing our paper in order. «What? They are grown up people, they should talk to each other. We are not match maker. Sorry but we have so much on our arm, there is no way I'll add everyone's love problem.» I sigh, amused and took his speech to see if there was correction to be done. «I know, sorry, let's read what you wrote.» I said trying to let go his anger before our friend come back. This wasn't the time to lost our way for girl problems.

We work for an hour before a voice made Courfeyrac, Enjolras and I jumped out of seat. «GRANTAIRE!» A blond kid run into the café and jump on our friend who was cleaning a table. Éponine arrived a few second later laughing. «He's working Gav' be patient.» Grantaire laugh and kiss the kids head as he motion he'll be ready soon. Ponine wave to us as the kid look at us intrigued. «Hi guys.» She said approaching us. I tried not to notice how Courfeyrac suddenly lower his eyes and how Enjolras raised his. We salute her politely before she continues speaking. «Gavroche let me present you my friend, Courfeyrac, Enjolras and Combeferre. Guys, this is my brother. » Oh right! I heard her telling us she couldn't go to the manifestation this week because of that. Weird I thought her brother was older, 14, 15 maybe. That kid was at the most 10 years old. «Ho they are the cool guys that fight the government» Said Gavroche as he sit by my side. I laugh and Enjolras join me as Ponine answer «Yes they are.» Blushing. I wonder what she tell him about us.

«Speaking of that don't forget the meeting at four. » Stated Enjolras and I sigh, wondering if sometime he listen or want to listen when people say in advance they can go to our meeting. Gavroche look at my paper with a curious look. «I can't I have to go help M. Fauchelevent for a thing. Grantaire even have to watch Gav all night.» Our friend sighs. «Can I go to the meeting?» Gavroche ask looking his eyes from my paper. «This look fun.» I felt my heart warming seeing his big smile. I felt the other guy felt the same. «It's not for your age Gav» Reminded kindly his sister brushing his hair softly. «But you said you were fighting so people like us can go to university. And when I'm older I will. You say they fight for the future well I am the future» All the table laugh and Gavroche wore a proud smile on his face. I felt that kid know how charming he was and was using against the adult. And it was damn working on me.

«We'll go if you behave» said Grantaire as he arrived. He traded his ugly uniform for his usual green tshirt and his jeans stained of paint. I sense Enjolras tense at my side so to be sure the focus was on something else that E's rudeness I promise Éponine to watch over his brother too if Grantaire was bringing him. After a thanks form her, a kiss on the cheek and some goodbyes, Éponine ran to her work and Grantaire took Gavroche shoulder «ready to go to Le Louvre?» He asks. I got surprise. It was a good idea to bring kids to such display. Opening minds at a young his age might explain that kid curiosity. «Will we see your painting?» Gavroche ask as he land on his feet. Grantaire laugh with us «Oh lord I wish, but no.» He said brushing the kids' hair. It was he first time I saw him that much caring with someone else than Éponine and Jehan.

«One day we will» I turn my gaze at Enjolras a bit surprise and I think I wasn't the only one startled since Courfeyrac and Grantaire look at him with widen eyes. Impatient Gavroche pull R out of the café and we wave them goodbye. «I think it's the first time I heard you say a nice thing to him.» Pointed out Courfeyrac and I couldn't agree more with him. Usually he rolled eyes or is at the edge of being mean to him. But Enjolras shrug and made us go back to work. We oblige since the meeting was soon but a quick glance from Courf made me understand I wasn't alone wondering what just happen.

And when later, after our meeting, we were all in the street celebrating the fact that France legalized gay marriage. (_If the country can change his mind on this it will change for our cause too!) _ I saw Enjolras laughing with Grantaire and smiling to Éponine I understood that those two had a needed talk during that mysterious weekend. And whatever she said, she might be the guide my best friend needed.

* * *

**Quick to celebrate the Gay Marriage in France. Congrats to everyone here, its a great progress for everyone :)  
Sorry the chapter is a bit short and not full of drama I just wanted to explore a POV from Ferre and its harder than I thought  
Thanks for reading  
Xxx**


	11. Melodie

**Melodie**

I woke up with a headache and I moan as the sun hit my eyes. _I shouldn't have drink that much _was come first in to my mind. But I always say that and do it the day after. I am beyond repair for that and I know it. I sigh as I felt the bed is empty and a pout draw my face. I hate when Jehan wake up before me. The best cure for a hangover is my head in the crook of his neck as I hear him wake up. I manage to lift my head and take the glass of water of the night stand. My mouth is dry and this is more than welcome. As I yawn and put a hand in my face, not recalling how I end up here. No more drinking battle against Bossuet. At least I won. Who did he think he was to defeat me in a tequila contest?

After putting my sweatpants –I had more clothes in his room than it should be- I walk out the room in need of water or some aspirin. My headache wasn't that bad but I knew I will feel it for the rest of the day. My only consolation was that Bossuet was probably worse than me. I found out Jehan sitting by the window, his writing pad in his hand, coffee cup near his feet. Like every morning. When he hear my step his hand stand up from his work and he jump on his feet, a smile on his lips, his hair untangle all over his shoulder. «Oh you are awake! I was about to wake you up. You work in two hours and I know that you plan on lunch with someone else but I think… »As he talks, I pushed him gently against the wall, a grin on my face and I finish by cutting him in his little speech to say «Good morning. ». He chuckle and blush, as always, as he knocks his hand around my neck and whisper me a «Good morning» before my lips goes attacking his. And as our tongue battle into his mouth, I couldn't help but smile.

I end up in the kitchen cooking breakfast as he continues his poetry. I insisted because I knew yesterday he probably took care of me on the way home and because there was no more beautiful sigh than Jehan by the window, a wrinkle on his nose, concentrate on his last creative strike. When the bacon, the potato, the fruits and eggs were done (sunny side up for him, scramble for me) I called him and he joins me at the table quickly. His kiss made me smile and my headache felt already better. I'm sure it's a placebo effect but I don't care, I love it.

We had an hour or so before I left for the café and I should taking a shower and get myself dress up right now. But instead I was on the couch, Jehan straddling me; his lips attacking mine as my hand throw away his shirt. I hear him gasp as my hand travel on his back and my lips found his neck. I nibble his skin to be sure to leave a red mark. But he didn't seems to mind. Now that the breakfast is over I wanted my desert. And he was it. «We should…shouldn't ahh…. You… have to leave soon and ah…..» He stops protesting when my tongue was now on his nipple sucking it lightly. And I think he understood he could protest anytime he want, I won't give up on our morning sex today. So he starts to be proactive and I moan as he starts moving his hips against me, making me half hard. I close my eye and throw my head back and appreciate how amazing the feeling of him on my cock felt. And when I open my eyes I see him, smiling a bit too proud. He knows that he drive me crazy and this arrogance just make me want him more. But I want him to pay.

As grab his neck so I can kiss him aggressively as my hand lower on his stomach and slip under his pajama pants. We both moan when my finger brush his erection. Him from sensitivity, me totally aroused by how hard he is. And how hard that makes me. «Fuck» He whisper on my lips and I chuckle. For a poet, he loses his sense of word when it comes to sex. And I love it that way. My hand take his member just so I can him moan my name I feel I shiver of pleasure who went down my spine. He kiss me with lust as my hand start stroking him roughly. I look at him as he close his eyes. His lips are red, his cheeks are pink and his breath is unsteady. He's prefect and I know in that moment that I'm totally in love with him

I wasn't working for long, an hour or two. Just making sure everything was in order until the manager come back from his meeting at the bank. And between leaving the key to his shop to me or sixteen years old, he picked me as the responsible adult. That made me laughs. Last time I try to have a pet, the poor thing die after a month. But I guess I'll manage not to burn the shop within two hours.

I kissed goodbye to Jehan (oh I love when he have one of my shirt on it leave his odor on it after) and took the bus to I am alone for the first time of the day and I try to stay busy. I don't want to think, I don't want to think. Not today. I hate today. I want today to be done. And then I remember why I accepted Bossuet drinking game; I silently hope that will make me pass out for 24 hours. Please make this day be quick.

But no it was the longest one. My two hour at the café felt like forty-five. The new boy broke two cup and manage to mistake orders of several clients. I had to deal with them and manage to show him how to properly make latte and espresso. I tried to be nice with him but my temper was short and I think I afraid the kid. Oh well. I'll apologize next time we work together. Today I wasn't in the mood to be nice. Jehan and his good mood away from me, I wasn't able to smile or try to right now.

When my boss came back I gave him back his key, mumble a «thanks god», grabs some sandwich and coffee before heading in the east of the city where Eponine was working. God knows I needed to see her today. I know I've been a lousy best friend since I am with Jehan and even if she told me she understand and she's not mad, I know she miss me. Because I miss her too sometimes. I texted her that I was arrived and light a needed cigarette, trying to calm down my mood in the meantime. But even nicotine will help me today. All the alcohol in the world won't either. But when she leaves the building and I saw her glowing I couldn't help but smile and hug her after kissing her cheek. She took the coffee track and we walk in silence in the park near her work. She has an hour before going back. Its not much but I'll take what I can

The sun was hitting her hair and making me see a love bite on her neck that she was trying to hide with a scarf. That got me curious but I didn't have the courage to ask her and hear her story or more probably her lies. She wasn't the kind of girl that do one night so whoever she's sleeping with I must know him from her to hide me. Or maybe she just feel she can't talk to me as much as before. Musichetta told me something about it the week Gavroche was in town. I miss the kid, and I miss Eponine too. But I need to be selfish and be in love for once.

But it's finally her who breaks the silence after she finish half her sandwich. «We're the 16th.» She said slipping her feet out of her shoes and put them in the sand like she love to do. «Yep.» I simply said focussing on little thing like her feet than what's in the back of my head. «Is that why we ate together? » I don't sense an accusation in her voice, just a pure curiosity. We haven't lunch together since she starts her job after all. «It's because I miss you but yes, mostly. » I said looking at my coffee. «we can go in a church and light a candle if you want.» She proposes. I scuff. «She's dead Ponine she doesn't care about candle. Those stick doesn't do anything but to try to ease the pain of the living and it's not religious bulshit that will make me feel better.» She start playing with my hair like she always does when I'm upset and I close my eyes, grateful from the touch. If I wasn't crying right now it's simply because we were in public.

Four years ago, at the same day, on a warm weather like this one, I found my sister dead in her own blood, her wrist cut deep and hard. There was no note. No clue why she did that. She had perfect score at school, friend that loved her, she got accepted in her dream school and all our family cared about her. Beside Ponine, Melodie was my best friend. We talk hours about everything. She was the first I told I was gay, I always was there when she had boy problem, and we could paint or play video games together for hours. She was my everything. The love of my life. And then she's gone. I am still mad at her to have done that. Why didn't she tell me how sad and desperate she felt? Why didn't she leave a note?

This is where the drinking started. And three day after burring my own sister, Gavroche rang to my door and ask me to save his sister. After pulling out Eponine on her father's grip I discover that he'd rape for almost a year. The alcohol became the only way to forget how I was the worst brother and best-friend on the planet; the two girl I care the most were having big problem and I never saw it. And when we flee Paris I thought things will get better. That alcohol won't be that much needed to calm that emptiness in my stomach and my heart. But then I met friends here. And one went into my heart even harder that it should. I fell in love with someone way over my league who even despite my presence. I won't blame Enjolras for hating me, I hate myself even more.

And it took Jehan to give me one hell of a blowjob and a lot of talking to make me understand that someone could love me even if I am a man with more flaws that good quality. Ad somehow, I feel in love with that boy and his golden curl. How his words always made me smile. How he never pulls down my bottle but keep my lips busy with his.

And now it's Eponine lips on my temple that bring me back to reality. She's the only one who will ever understand the pain because she was friend with Melodie too. Even if she keep repeating that it's not my fault, that Melodie hide her problem and we couldn't have known, I feel I should have. I was her brother. She needed me and I wasn't there. I deserve to be this miserable. «Do you want to do something special then. » Unable to talk I feel my need for a drink rising up as the tears in my eyes. I put my head on my best friend shoulder and burry my head in her neck where I always felt safe. She continues to play in my hair to calm me. «Just…. Don't fuck anything up this year okay» She said. I chuckle because she knows I'm as self-destructive as her. And because last year she found me in a police station after a fight with Parnasse.

The bar was crowed was always. People were battling their sex drive on the dance floor, trying to find someone to go home and fuck while they could. I wonder how many of those count of the bad lighting and the amount of alcohol to actually get laid. It doesn't seem to bother Bahorel though. And his hand on the redhead are really suggestive of his idea for latter. I chuckle as I finish my beer and start a new one. I'm not drunk enough. But I know there is not enough bottles in the world to erase the image in my head of Melodie in a halo of blood. At least whe Bahorel was around I could manage to keep my mind busy with random discussion but now that he was taking care of brining someone home I understood that I'll be alone for the end of the longest day of my life. And I don't want it.

So I grab my phone, knowing I need cuddles more than this cheap beer. Maybe Jehan and his magical power of making me smile will work tonight too. I try to stop the black hole in my heart of growing.

You: Can I come tonight

Jehan: Of course love :D

You: I love you.

Jehan: You are drunk aren't you ;) 3

You: Perhaps :P

Jehan: I love you too

Of course my boyfriend doesn't know anything about Melodie. He knows that I lost my sister but he don't know how, why and where. He didn't know that I was the one finding her. I hadn't the courage to tell him everything. Not because he was too fragile to handle the truth, because I was simply unable to talk about it without crying and wanting to die for a whole week. I won't put my boyfriend in that misery.

I finish my beer, wave goodbye to Bahorel who probably didn't notice me, lost in that redhead tits. I light up a cigarette and finish it before waving a taxi and coming to Jehan. Coming home. Because I spend more time there than my own flat lately.

And when I arrived, even if it's one in the morning, he's here, waiting for me with a glass of water, aspirin and a warm smile and greeting me with a kiss. He frowns because I taste like alcohol and cigarette but doesn't say anything except going to search some mint in his drawer.

«Why are you so nice.» I ask after a moment. We are on his couch; I'm laying on his lap a bit dizzy as he play into my hair. Only he and Ponine knows how it calm me down. «Because I love you silly.» He chukle looking at me with tired eyes. Even if he deny it I am sure I wake him up by texting him. «Why?» I was as my finger start to play with a lock of his golden hair. «Grantaire…stop asking that. I love you because I do. » I know he hate when I ask but I still don't understand why a girl as sweet and caring as Jehan could fall in love with a broken and beyond repair person like me. What made him like me in the first way. I sat and look at him my face brushing against his soft skin that I learn to love and discover over those past month that we are together. «You shouldn't. I'm just problem and stuff like that. You should hate me. » I said looking at him with pain in my heart. And I mean it. As I talk I start to panic. Jehan shouldn't love me. We shouldn't be that close. The closer I get to someone, the more I end up hurting them or destroying them. And I don't want to destroy the only person that can make me smile on gloomy day and read me poem to stop my drunken thought at night. I don't want to destroy Jehan «Please hate me.» I said with pleading eyes, taking his soft face in my rugged hand. «I can't stand how much you love me. » I said putting my head on his. I know I had the conversation of a drunken mess right now but I knew I was speaking truth. I was scared of the look Jehan gave me some time. How he moan when we only kiss, how he gets happy with little thing I do. He shouldn't love me that much. I don't deserve his love. I don't deserve to be love that much after what happen to Melodie. But Jehan's only reaction to my pleading was to kiss me softly stroking my chit and whisper. «Okay, we'll put you in bed and have this conversation tomorrow» with a tender voice.

«No! no!» I said, scared of how fast my heart was beating. How I felt happy from his kiss. How many Goosebumps he gave me. I wasn't allowed happiness. «Jehan please stop loving me» I said getting away from him slowly. Images of us making love were fighting in my head next to Melodie in her coffin. And I felt like vomiting. I was wrong for thinking I was allowed to feel that way without consequence, without regret. I was wrong from being happy. But Jehan couldn't understand. He only frown and took my hands, looking at me worried and confuse. «I…no. No I won't. » I lost myself into his eyes. I have to leave. Right now. Go away from him. I'm gonna hurt him if I stay here

«I'm think I'm gonna go home.» I said standing up quickly. But I drank too much for fast movement and I fall back on the couch, my head spinning. Jehan take his long hand and put them on my arm, making me sit as I try again to stand up. «In that state? No way. You are staying here. » He said. But I only had one idea in my head as despair join fear. «No. I want to go. Go away from you. » I said looking at my boyfriend who seems confuse and worried. He saw me in worst state, I know it. But he couldn't understand why I wanted to leave now. I should feel guilty for worrying him but if he knew why I do that he would understand. « I'm gonna hurt you one day. I will. I hurt and lose everyone. And I don't want. I'm sorry, I am so sorry. » I don't make sense. I know. I'm blabbering and I'm near to cry as I understood how huge my mistake was to accept Jehan's love like I deserve it. «You didn't. You won't. Have faith in yourself. I will love you no matter what.» He said facing me, lacing his finger in my hair and biting his lips absolutely clueless of what to do. I feel even more awful to find him attractive right now.

«No. I'll hurt you one day and its gonna be too much. And I'm going to break your heart because I am a bad person. And I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve you. You are too good to me.» Oh how much I wanted to push him on the ground and fuck him until we both scream and I forget the coldness of my heart. But it was too late. I know I couldn't. I shouldn't be with Jehan. He was too happy with me to be good. «Stop that. » Jehan snapped. «I have flaws too, and you overpass them cause you love me. And I do the safe for you cause I love you.» He said trying to find my eyes I was looking on the ground. «I don't know…» I whisper, confused and scared . «you don't know what?» I took a deep breath and lock my eyes into his. Not knowing if I should talk. I was drunk, on the edge of crying and we were both tired. But what the hell. It was an awful day so why shouldn't I continue it that way. «I don't know if I still love you.» I whisper before realizing I said it wrong. And as Jehan pull back from his embrace, horrified I correct myself quickly. «Well of course I do I mean I'm the happiest I ever been in my life. And you made me feel like I was maybe worth it and that all my shit were gone. You made me forget so much thing that alcohol didn't. » I said. «but…» said Jehan knowing there was a _but. _

And then I admit something I wouldn't admit to myself and I try to deny for far too long. «I won't be honest if I wouldn't admit that there's someone else in my head sometime » Jehan put hand on his face and I knew him too much not to know he was holding his tears behind his fingers. «It's Enjolras isn't?» He ask. He knew it. In fact those feeling just came back. From months he manage to make me forget him and I was wrap in a love affair I knew possible. But since his weekend at his parent he became nicer to me. Listening to what I say, smiling at some of my jokes, even spending time with me with Ponine was around. He wasn't the harsh man that roll his eyes every time I talk and it felt nice. I felt…hope. A foolish hope from something that will never happen. But the thought of Enjolras in my bed cross my mind in daydream more than I am proud of.

«Get out. » Said Jehan seeing I wasn't answering. Seeing that my silence only confirm his fear. He was mad. «Jehan…» I said touching his arm but he push me away. And when I saw his eyes I understood that my worst fear just happened; I hurt Jehan. He was in pain right now. Water was staining his cheek and I he sob before saying. «Now. Please. Grantaire. Get out. Go home. Now. » And the only thing I can to to make his pain worst was do oblige

I pull out my shirt and throw it on the floor and I crawl into the bed. A soon as I put my head on the pillow, Eponine turn around and her eye flicker. I wake her up I know. But I don't care. «R, what the hell are you doing here? » She mumbles asleep. And her question break me. I start crying as I crawl into her arm. «I fuck up again this year.» I said as I start crying. Eponine wrap her arm around me and push me against her and let me cry the whole night.


	12. All we need sometime is a moment tothink

**All we need sometime is a moment to think **

«Oh fuck please don't stop» That's my cry echoing the living room and at this moment I am so happy Enjolras is meeting the mayor and he's far from home. Because what Courfeyrac is doing with his tongue can't make me quiet. I put my hand in his hair, pressing him against me as he continues to lick me, his finger traveling on my tight. I moan, scream and whisper as I feel the orgasm coming to me. I try to warn him but he know me too well now. And as my breath quicken his tongue dance now _in _me. And in a final lap I scream and come into his mouth unable to hold anymore. I hear him chuckle, proud of himself before kissing my inner tight one last time.

He raises his head and I pull him towards me so our lips meet. I can taste myself and my heart is pumping fast. I need him. I need him now. «Ponine…» He whispers as I bit his lips like I know he loves. And I smile. Time for him to have fun too. My hand quickly went to his jean and I don't take time to pull out his shirt and playing with him. I already had opened his zipper and he's lowering his boxer so his erection breathes finally. I feel him moan of pleasure. Seeing how hard he was he probably was trap in his pants. He quickly pull out a condom out of his wallet and I bite my lips as he put it against him. Our eye connects and I saw him smile devilishly, his eyes filled with desire and lust. And that turn me even more on. l manage to lay on the couch as he crawl on the top of me, catching my lips in a passionate kiss. Spreading my legs I wrap my legs around him as he penetrates me. No time for foreplay. It's quick, brutal and much needed for both of us. This is why we both moan as we connect together.

He starts rocking his hips inside me and I close my eyes, letting the pleasure fill me as his lips attack my neck. Another red mark I'll have to hide. But I don't care. He knows that spot is my weakness and I can stop moaning right now. My hand grabs his shirt as he quickens his pace and starts to hit my pleasure spot.

«Look at me.» He moan to my hear and I shiver of excitation. I open my eyes to meet his and start moving my hips in the same rhythm than him. I saw him being already close and I can't blame him I am too. Lost in his eyes, my body screaming with pleasure he get quicker again. The lust in his face was easy to read, but in that moment I felt like I was the more beautiful girl he ever saw. «Say my name.» he ask. It wasn't an order. More a plead. So I rock my hips once more as I look into his eyes moaning «Fey». The nickname I found for him, for us, in those moments. And I saw him losing it. Courfeyrac close his eyes and put his face in the crook of my neck moaning «Shit...» before quickening so fast I start to scream. And as he came, I felt myself getting closer, and closer and…I came right after him.

Breathless, sweating we stay in that position a moment, trying to cope what just happen. I came in to ask him looking on Grantaire for the night and we end up doing it quickly on his couch. It was a first for us. Usually it's in the silence of one of our bed, when night is long past. But I can't say I mind. Because I really needed that right now. Courfeyrac put his forehead against mine and we both chuckle as we kiss quickly and get up. «Fuck you should wear more dresses» He said, putting his condom in the trash as I'm putting back my panties that he gladly throw away to attack my inner tight. «Be happy I was too lazy to do my laundry» I said with a wink, blushing to the fact that I adore seeing his head under my dress. I think that's mostly what made me came so hard.

I was looking at my hair I the tv reflection when he wrap his arm around my waist and push my back against his chest, kissing my shoulder softly. «And yes, I'll go look at him no worry. » He said to the question I asked a while ago. I sight happy to know that Grantaire won't be alone tonight. He had it hard since he officially broke up with Jehan (the day after their fight they talk like adult and break up without a scream. They agreed to stay friend even if it will take time. They laugh, hug and kiss one last time before Grantaire came back to our flats crying while painting flowers. ) «I thought Bossuet and Joly had plan to go see some movie with him to change his mind a bit.» Courfeyrac said as he kiss the sensitive spot beside my hear that made me do a small whimper. I playfully frown when I saw his smile «that's was the plan but then Jehan called and ask them company and they agreed.» I can't blame them they knew him longer than my best friend and many people knew that the breakup was his fault though no one knew the real reason. Even I wasn't sure of the full story because he refuses to tell me what he said to make Jehan throwing out of his home. So people were more supportive towards Jehan than my best friend.

«Don't worry I got this.» Courfeyrac said as I turn around and wrap my hand around his neck. And from his smile I knew what it meant. And it was a terrible idea. «Don't bring alcohol.» I said with a warning look. Grantaire's problem got worse than even since the break up and he didn't need a friend that will encourage this behaviour. I even hide half the bottle we had so he won't drink them in one night. «I…» Start to say the men but when he saw my serious look he sight and kiss my nose. «Fine.» I could see he wasn't happy about that but I trusted him. And for that he needed a present. So I went on my tiptoe to kiss him softly which he gladly answer back «Thanks.» I said playing with his hair.

«And did you have… think about what we talk?» I ask after a moment. And Courf sigh, rolling his eyes. «You know for a girl who said _no sex before we figure out what we are _you are not in position to talk.» He tease as he brush his lips against me, his hand grabbing my ass firmly. «Shut up.» I chuckle before kissing him breathlessly.

It all started when he learn I was playing Enjolras' girlfriend for a weekend. He got jealous and possessive in a way that scared me. How us two start sleeping together was a long and complicated story. But when he confronted me about the fact it wasn't okay to pretend to be his best friend lover we got into a huge fight. He could go into clubs and bring girls home but I couldn't do that. And, on the contrary of him I wouldn't sleep with Enjolras because I don't sleep around and he knew that. He made me cry, he felt guilty and we haven spoke for the whole week when I came back and I took care of Gavroche. But having the same friend had the effect that we had to see and talk to each other sooner than we both wanted. And one night, after asking him to stay home because Grantaire texted me that he was yet again staying at Jehan –and yes we slept together that night – I asked him what we were. And we both didn't knew how to answer that. In fact we knew. And it was scaring the both of us. So we agree to not sleeping again until we found out what our relation became since we start sleeping together. And yet it was the third time we broke our promise to be together.

But between that, my mind was made about us. «I have. And I will. Don't worry. We'll figure it out.» He said as he sat on the couch with the same smile he always have when we had sex. A mixture of satisfactory and daydream. He's beautiful. «We should stop doing that then.» I said sitting on his laps. I pull me closer to him and I giggle a little knowing too well that we wouldn't really stop. «Yes we should» He said. I laugh and kiss him softly. «Okay, gotta go.» I said standing up as he drew a pout of his face. Thursday night means girl night. And I was already late.

Courfeyrac walk me to his door and kiss me one last time before opening the door. «Have fun.» He said with a soft smile «Text me if there's something okay?» I ask. He nod and I walk away his flat, a stupid smile on my face.

Cosette was giggling looking at her phone and I understood immediately she was texting Marius. I roll my eyes, more amused than annoy. Not that I was jealous anymore. She have been with him for long enough for me to mourn. She was in love, him too and he was never mine to loose. Yes my friendship with Marius just got back to normal –we continued to eat once a week in R's coffee- and if was actually pleasant t be with him and not feel pain or sadness. Grantaire was right on one thing; I deserve more than unrequired love. And this is why I confronted Courfeyrac this time.

«No boys means also on phone dear!» purr Musichetta as she grabs Cosette's phone. I chuckle as Cosette pout and grab her sangria. The bartender made it a bit too strong but let's not complains. We were here for that; eating, drinking, gossiping and seeing the Eiffel tower glowing in the dark. Joly was right this place was perfect for girl night. «We were making plan for tonight.» Pout Cosette which made me and Musichetta laugh. «Going to his flats again?» I ask with a wink. The hint would have made her blush before but now her cheek was only a little pink. «No papa found that I'm too much at his house. So he ask me not to go this week» I scuff. M. Fauchelevent was always protective of his daughter but for the love of god she wasn't sixteen anymore. Parent does that to stop young couple to sleep together when they are too young. At least good parent does. But those two were in their twenty's. Rare are those who wed before bed in our time. And even as stiff Marius could be, he was a man. And Cosette was drop dead goergeous. (Hell even Grantaire told me he could be straight for one night) «Make him sneak out in your room» I propose, grabbing some fries. «Wait do you actually imagine Marius climbing something» Said Musichetta arching an eyebrow and we both burst into laughter. «Shut up!» Said Cosette trying to defend her boyfriend but laughing with us.

Cosette was still blushing a moment after while Musichetta was talking how Bossuet had the bad idea to introduce Joly Dr. House and since then her hypochondriac boyfriend started to look at deadly disease every time someone caught, have a sore throat or have a headache. But I was barely listening, my head lost between the butterflies feeling I had in my stomach when I was thinking about my visit at Courf and how worry I was for Grantaire. «So Ponine?» ask Cosette pouring more sangria in her cup. I understood that I missed a question. I raised an eyebrow and both girl chuckle. «Does Enjolras sleep in boxer or with pajama pants?» Repete Musichetta. Woa I must have got lost more than I thought in my head, I thought they were still on Joly's subject. I blush more than I wanted, not sure if I should talk about that. The weekend we spend together, what we saw and say was a bit of a secret between E and I. And I didn't want to betray his trust in me. «Is it really important?» I ask biting my lips. «No but I am curious.» Ask devilishly Musichetta and that made me laugh. Even with two boys in bed she was still thinking about other in bed. «No, you just love gossip.» I joke. «Meh, our gang is so big, there always something to entertain. What do you want I love this.» I don't know if it was the wine, Cosette curious look or the fact that I was happy for nothing but I lean toward my friend and whisper my answer before they screamed, happy to know something no one will ever.

And good lord Enjolras was sexy in his boxer.

I was drunk, Grantaire bedroom smell like dirt and I wanted to smoke. I rarely do alone but I was feeling for one. But smoking in bed wasn't the best of idea so instead I look at my best friend sleeping. The empty bottle beside the bed made me understand right away that, the moment Courf left after their video-game night, Grantaire rush to the fridge to drink his sorrow away. And once again I was proud about thinking to hide some bottles in my room. He didn't ask me to stay here tonight –he was already passed out when I arrived – but I know he would appreciate not to wake up alone tomorrow. Or to feel me against me tonight.

But since I wasn't tired at all I took Grantaire's laptop and was looking at my emails. Since we created one for my brother I manage to keep in touch a bit more. I know Gavroche was a good kid and can handle himself more than kid his age, but I knew he was hiding his fear of being alone in Montreuil without his sister. So since then we start talking to each other a lot by email and I gladly talk about by days at work and answer his question about the small revolution my friend and I planning. (I am sure if he'd live in Paris he would have manage to come to the café listening to the boys all the time. )

And quickly I got lost into internet, staring at cat picture and chuckling at bad joke on tumblr and answering question on the revolution's forum Musichetta created for the new people to Enjolras' vision. And as I connect to Facebook I saw a notification I didn't expected; a relationship request I click on his name and the chat box pop up.

You: So this is your way to ask me out.

I ask with a smile. That's what I love about Courfeyrac, he can be claim he know how ladies work –and God know in bed he know how they work- but still he do stupid things like this. I bite my lips, happy and overwhelm by all those strong emotion I never felt. Not even with Marius. I chuckle and felt my heart skipping as I click the ''accept'' button_. _My news feed showed immediately the new. And it made it even more real. _Éponine is in a relationship with Courfeyrac. _And then I saw him writing me in the chat.

Courfeyrac: I love you

You: Love you too

And I try not to laugh too hard when I saw Musichetta's chat opening in front of me with a big ''WHAT THE HELL'' written, waiting for a gossip she never saw coming. But instead I close my laptop and crawl into bed next to Grantaire as he immediately nuzzle in the crook of my neck. And I couldn't help but smile

For the first time I am in love with a boy that love me back.


End file.
